Jamie
by Bowlingforshrimp
Summary: Steph's long lost sister Jamie is back from her travels around the world. On top of that, Jamie has known Ranger for the five years she's been gone...ugh I suck at summeries, ok? please R&R! This is my first story EVER!
1. Chapter 1

This is my VERY FIRST fan fic...EVER...so cut me some slack, ok? This idea has been rattling around in my head for a while, and I finally got it down on paper...so to speak. If you have any suggestions as to where the story should go, PLEASE let me know, becuase I have absolutely no idea.

Thanks,

Bowlingforshrimp

I sat in front of the stupid house for eight friggin' hours and not once did Kevin Bower come out. My name is Stephanie Plum, and I am a bounty hunter, aka Bond Enforcement Agent. I'm not very good, but I'm lucky and I have my moments.

This was not one of those before mentioned moments. I had to pee like a bitch. I needed a shower. I was _hungry_. But I knew that even if I took a three minute pee break, I would miss a double murder slash car hijacking. So there I sat, in my new used Mini Cooper. It was two thirty in the morning, and yet I persevered.

By three I said screw it and drove back to my apartment. Rex, my hamster roommate, was fast asleep in his soup can after a hard night's workout. I never did understand why he ran on that wheel.

I took a well earned shower, letting the hot water pound on my back as I began to relax. Today—well, yesterday—hadn't been the best day in the world. I ripped a hole in my new jeans chasing Bubba Kisling, and on top of that when I finally got him we both tripped and fell onto a pile of garbage bags. To add insult to injury, Joyce Barnhardt got to watch. Stupid whore.

I rapped a towel around myself, padded into my bedroom and dropped a t shirt over my head. Then I proceeded to fall on the bed and go lights out. I woke up to unmistakable sound of the chain on my door swinging freely against the door. My clock read 5:56. Great, I get two and a half hours of sleep and then the psychos show up. I quietly slid out from underneath the covers, and groped in the darkness for something I could use as a weapon. My heart was threatening to burst out of my chest. I finally grabbed a coat hanger and waited.

"Steeeeeeeeph…you home?" called the newcomer from the living room.

A form appeared in front of me and I almost fell over.

The girl grinned wide and leaned in the door frame, "Death by coat hanger, eh?"

I couldn't speak. I was so surprised. I thought she was dead. She disappeared five years ago, and was never heard from.

"Jamie?" I managed to croak.

Jamie grinned wider and caught me in a bear hug and swung me around, laughing.

"God it's great to see ya, sis. What's it been? Five years?"

She set me down and I just stared at her, still stunned, "We all thought you were dead, you know," I said slowly.

She looked surprised at that. "Really? You didn't get any of my letters? I wrote a whole bunch."

I just shook my head, "I got one four years ago, but that was it."

She looked down at her feet, deep in thought, "I guess I forgot to send them," She looked back up at me, "oh well. I'm back now."

Jamie is my baby sister. She is nine years younger than me. She's a mix of Valerie and me, with something else thrown in. When Jamie was a kid she wasn't scared of anything. She used to sit up at night and _wait_ for the monster under her bed to come out so she could clobber him with her baseball bat. She was smart enough to know that she couldn't fly, but jumped off the garage roof anyway just for fun. She snuck out of the house at night to hang with her friends, sniped people from the roof with her bb gun, drew, read, laughed, and was constantly on some fantastical adventure in her head.

Five years ago, at the age of sixteen, Jamie ran away. She left a note saying she couldn't stay home any longer without going nuts, and left without a trace. One year after her abrupt departure, I got a short letter in the mail saying she was just fine and having the time of her life. After that not a word.

"So where have you _been_?" I said, my voice a little higher than usual.

The really wide grin returned, "_Everywhere._ I've been fucking everywhere. You name it, I've been there. I freaking traveled the world."

"Wow," was all I could say.

"So you don't mind if I crash here tonight, do you? I was gonna go home, but then I thought of mom and how she would be blubbering all over me, so I came here."

"Of course you can stay. I'm still stunned to see you though. I seriously thought you were dead."

Over the past five years, every time I caught a glimpse of a kid with braids, I would look twice. Jamie hadn't changed much. She was as tall as me, her brown hair tamed into two braids that just reached her shoulders. She had on a red bandana pirate-style, a ratty jacket, baggy jeans, and boots. I noticed a belt with a gun shoved into it, and a large knife. She had my blue eyes and brown hair, but she had inherited more of the Plum side of the family, like Val.

"Great. I'll just sleep on your couch. But first I need a shower. See ya in the morning."

I laid back down on my bed, listening to the shower running, praying that this wasn't all a dream.

I woke up at precisely 8:02. I would have stayed in bed if not for the orgasmic cooking smells coming from the kitchen. I dragged myself vertical and staggered groggily out of bed, following my nose to the source of such a wonderful smell. I found Jamie in boy boxers and a t shirt cooking an omelet, bacon, and sausage.

"I know you don't like vegetables, so I left out green peppers and onions," she said, grinning at me.

"Mmm," was all I managed. I retreated back to the bedroom to shower and dress. When I came out, Jamie was eating at the dining room table and reading the paper. I sat down across from her and she pushed a plate laden with a yummy smelling breakfast and a mug full of coffee toward me.

"Where did you get the paper?" I asked through a mouthful of omelet.

"I bought it when I went out to get eggs. I also restocked your 'fridge. You didn't have any food in there, by the way."

"What, no donuts?" I looked around in case I'd missed the Tasty Pastry bag.

"No. From the way your cabinets looked, you really needed something healthy."

Jamie tagged along with me to the office. I needed to collect my money for Kisling, and I needed to give Connie back my file for Kevin Bower. I wasn't up to another eight hour stake-out.

"I'll do it for you," said Jamie, "I haven't got anything better to do. And besides, I need a job."

We were in the office, and I had already done the introducing thing to Connie. Lula wasn't in yet. Vinnie actually came out of his lair with a grin on his face and said he was really happy to see Jamie again.

"This guy is dangerous," Connie said to Jamie, "I don't know if you should go after this guy. He should probably go to Ranger."

Jamie's eyes lit up at the name, "Ranger? You mean like Ricardo Carlos Manoso the Cuban sex god mercenary Ranger?"

Okay, so obviously she knew Ranger. "Yeah. How do you know him?"

Her eyes were bright with laughter, "I stole his car a buncha years ago."

I was about to answer when I noticed Connie staring at something behind us. I hadn't heard a sound, so it could have been a giant spider descending from the ceiling, or Ranger. Since the room suddenly smelled of Bulgari, and Connie wasn't shrieking, I had my bet on the latter.

Jamie peeked over her shoulder and her grin widened, "Howdy. Long time, no see" she said cheerfully.

I turned to see Ranger projecting all 200 watts all directed at my baby sister. "Jamie. You finally got off the buoy, eh?"

Jamie narrowed her eyes, "yes. With no help from _you_ I might add. And you owe me two hundred bucks, you prat."

Okay, so obviously they had known eachother for a while. But I was thinking that maybe someone who stole an ex-special forces guy's car wouldn't be calling him a prat.

I looked at Ranger, "You left her on a buoy because she stole your car?"

Ranger was still grinning, "I left her on the buoy because she shoved me off the boat."

"AND you said you'd come back in a week if you hadn't heard from me. Well guess what? I was on that hunk of plastic for eight friggin' days and NO rescue!" said Jamie, shooting her fool proof Burg glare at Ranger.

Ranger handed Connie a body receipt. He told to cut two hundred out of his check and write one for Jamie.

"So are we friends again?" he asked her, handing her the check.

"I never said we weren't," said Jamie, pocketing the check, "but sure. We're buddies again."

Ranger turned to me, "I need to talk to you outside. You can come to," he said to Jamie.

I said goodbye to Connie and followed Ranger and Jamie out onto the sidewalk.

"So how do you two know each other and what the hell is the buoy thing?" I asked.

"She stole my car. We ended up being allies," said Ranger, arms crossed, leaning back against his Mercedes.

"Yea and all I did was push you off the boat and you had to tie me to a friggin' buoy and leave me there in the middle of the ocean," Said Jamie.

"It's called payback, kiddo. You deserved it."


	2. Chapter 2

So yeah...here's the second chapter (go me!) I'll try to update as much as I can...but I'm going away for the weekend so...keep reading and reviewing! THANKS SO MUCCH! for the awesome reviews I got!

_"It's called payback, kiddo. You deserved it."_

"Payback, my ass. You had already paid me back for that," said Jamie, her eyes narrowing once more, "You just got back on board and threw me off."

"It wasn't enough. I had to make sure you knew not to mess with me," Ranger said.

"So what did you want to see me about?" I asked Ranger.

"I need a distraction tonight. It's a good thing Jamie showed up because it's better that this guy is VERY distracted."

"Ooooh fun," said Jamie, "the last time I did distraction for you I ended up scoring with the guy when he was bonded out again."

I laughed. Ranger just shook his head.

We ended up going out to a small café so Ranger and Jamie could catch up. I asked her to elaborate on how they met.

"Hmmmm well…so it was maybe a couple of months after I ran away. I was in Miami, running away from this guy who I had seriously pissed off. I was running down the street, looking for some car unlocked or something easy to break into so I could make a fast getaway, and lo and behold, I stumble upon a new shiny black Porsche with its doors open and the keys dangling from the ignition. I swear it was glowing. So anyway I hop in the car and take off RIGHT as Ranger and Tank were coming out of the building the car was parked in front of. I will never forget the death-glare that Ranger sent at me as I threw him a solute and pressed the pedal to the floor. To make a long story short, he and Tank chased me through the state and finally caught up with me at a rest stop and saved me from being killed by the guy who was chasing me back in Miami."

"Jeez. Why didn't he kill you for stealing his car?"

"Because I felt sorry for her," said Ranger, "That Jack guy was brutal."

"So what happened after that?" I asked Jamie.

"We went our separate ways. Ranger dropped me off back in Miami and that was the last I saw of him. A few months later I got arrested in the Keys. I didn't want to call my family 'cause then they'd just drag me home. I was thinking of just randomly dialing a number and telling whoever answered to come get me, but then I remembered taking one of Ranger's cards. So I called him up. I was lucky 'cause he was in the area, so he came and bailed me out, I said goodbye and that night stole a boat. The next time we met up was in Italy."

"You sailed a boat all the way to Italy?"

Jamie laughed. "No, I drove the boat up and down the coast for a while and then hopped on a plane the instant I ran into Jack again."

"Who's Jack?"

"The guy who I royally pissed off. For all I know, he's still out for my blood."

"He is," said Ranger, "I spotted him in Philly a couple weeks ago, he was flashing your picture around, claiming you were his kid."

"Bastard," said Jamie.

"So what did you do after you met up in Italy?" I asked. This was really interesting. From the way Jamie talked, she and Ranger had a deeper friendship from the beginning than I ever had with him.

"I just kinda followed him after that. Helped out with random jobs. That's how I got to see the world," said Jamie.

Ranger grinned suddenly, "Remember the trap in the woods?" he asked Jamie.

She glared at him, and he looked like he was trying not to laugh.

"Huh?" I was feeling especially articulate today.

Still glaring at Ranger, who was still trying not to laugh, Jamie answered me, "We were up in a pine forest over on the west coast, looking for this murderer or something. We were walking along, and Ranger starts smiling. So I ask him 'What are you grinning for?' but he doesn't answer me. The next thing I know, there's a shooting pain coming from my ankle. I collapse from pain, and Mr. Chuckles here collapses from freaking laughter. The bastard knew there was one of those spiky snap-shut traps under the pine needles, but he didn't even BOTHER to tell me!"

Ranger's head was down on his arms, and you see his shoulders clearly shaking from laughter. Jamie's glare intensified, but he didn't seem to notice. When Ranger finally recovered and looked up at me, "You should have seen her howling in pain. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. Apart from you sobbing at that funeral."

"My foot was almost got chopped off!" Jamie yelled at him, "And you were just rolling around laughing!"

I was giggling now. I know it was horrible, but it did sound pretty funny. "So what did you do?"

Jamie scowled mockingly, "He had to carry me to the nearest town, complaining the whole way how heavy I was. Stupid prick."

"Hey you keep calling me that and I'll tell Stephanie about the diving board incident," said Ranger.

"NO!" Jamie yelled, "what happens on the diving board _stays_ on the diving board!" she was really glaring now.

Ranger just laughed at her. I don't think I'd ever seen him laugh that much in such a small period of time. I was feeling a tad left out.

"Diving board incident?" I looked at Jamie.

She just shook her head, "No way. Uhn-uhn, I'm not tellin'" she shot a death glare at Ranger, "That goes for you two, ya know."


	3. Chapter 3

So here's chapter three.. I have some more ideas so hopefully chapter four will be up tomorrow. Thanks for all the great reviews and advice!

Bowlingforshrimp

Ranger had to go to a meeting so he said he would pick us up tonight at seven.

"We're eating at my parent's house for dinner," I said, "So pick us up there."

Ranger nodded and drove off in his Mercedes.

Jamie and I were driving across town, going after a skip by the name of Jeremy Frey. He was arrested for driving under the influence and then fortunately skipped his court date so I could pay the rent this month. We were sitting in traffic, and I looked over at Jamie. I had so many questions to ask I thought my head would explode.

"I've never seen Ranger like that," I said finally, "he was like a completely different person."

"Really?" said Jamie, raising an eyebrow, "I've never known him any other way. What's he like around you?"

I thought for a beat before answering, "Doesn't talk much. Doesn't smile much. Never laughs."

"hmmm.."

"And I can't believe he laughed at you when you stepped in that trap. That is totally not like him." I said, honking at the slowpoke in front of me.

"It wasn't that big," said Jamie, "it only bit through my boot a little. I was exaggerating when I said it almost chopped my foot off. I only fell over because it took me by surprise, and I wasn't exactly 'howling in pain'."

"Still, it's weird," I said. I was totally confused. Ranger seemed so different. He was almost like a regular ol' guy. I knew nothing about him, apart from the fact that he was Special Forces, has a daughter and an ex-wife, and is very good at what he does. I wondered what Jamie knew, and what happened between them to make Ranger so different around her.

"What kind of car did you say Frey drove?" Jamie asked, cutting into my thoughts.

"A dark red Prius. License plate EAT ME2." Responsible anddesperate-for-rentStephanie actually memorized this information so shewouldn't have to dig around in her shoulder bag to get the file.

Jamie was staring out the windshield, leaning forward, "I think that's him."

We were stuck in gridlock traffic, and Frey was three cars ahead of the guy in the lane next to us. I grabbed my bag and dug around for my cuffs. "Let's go get him,"

Jamie got out of the car and drew her gun. It was a .38 Smith and Wesson, like mine. I guess we have the same taste in weaponry, besides the fact that there was also a large knife on her belt and a blackjack in her boot. She cut her eyes over to me, "Aren't bounty hunters suppose to have guns?" she said with a grin.

I was brandishing a nail file and a can of pepper spray. "You have one, so that would be redundant, right? And someone has to hold the pepper spray and cuffs. My hands are full." Not to mention my gun was in my cookie jar and I had no bullets, anyway.

Jamie just rolled her eyes and followed me around cars. People honked, gestured in Italian, yelled, cursed, and even threw stuff at us because traffic had just moved a fraction of an inch and the cars behind my Mini couldn't go. I ignored them and made my way over the dark red prius. "I'll get the left side, and in case he tries to escape, you get theright and tackle him." I said to Jamie.

"Aye aye, cap'n!" she said, throwing me a salute.

I stepped up to the drivers side door and rapped on the window. Jeremy Frey was 5'10" and thin with a mop of golden hair on his head. He was 26 years old, and lived alone in an apartment in Hamilton Township. Frey rolled down his window and scowled at me.

"Whaddaya want?" His breath reeked of vodka and something worse. It looks like Mr. Frey had gotten an early start today.

"I work for your bail bondsman, Mr. Frey. You missed your court date today and we'd like you to come down to the station to reschedule." I could hear Jamie snickering form the other side of the car. She knew that that line never worked. But hey, I could hope, right?

"No way. I ain't goin' to no station." Said Frey. He stepped on the gas and crashed into the car in front of him. "FUCK!" he yelled, and then he passed out, his head thunking on the steering wheel.

"Well that was easy," said Jamie.

It took us another hour to get Frey to the station. I drove the Prius with Frey cuffed and shackled in the backseat, and Jamie followed behind me in the Mini. Jamie and I left the station, minus one drunk and plus one month's rent. I spotted someone leaning against my Mini. It was Joe Morelli, my on-again, off-again cop boyfriend. We were currently _on-again_.

"Hey isn't that Joseph Morelli?" said Jamie. After I ran him over with my father's Buick eleven years ago, Jamie bombarded me with questions as to why. I just told her she was too young to understand. After that day, Joe had been her prime target in the sniping-from-the-roof game with her bb gun.

"Hey Cupcake," Morelli said to me when we got close. He looked at Jamie and grinned, "Hey Jamie."

"Howdy," said Jamie, "Just for the record, I'm sorry I shot you so many times with my bb gun. Steph corrupted me into thinking you were an asshole."

Joe nodded, "It figures she would do that,"

"So what's up?" I asked.

"I was wondering what you were doing tonight," Joe said to me, "I haven't seen you in a while. Bob misses you."

"Who's Bob?" Jamie asked

"Joe's dog," I said, "We're having dinner at my parent's house tonight, remember?"

"I meant after," said Joe, "I was thinking you could come home with me."

God, I wanted to. I really hadn't seen him in a while. He had been swamped on a big case for about a month now and we hadn't been able to get together.

"Can't. Jamie and I are doing a job for Ranger."

Joe didn't look to happy about that so I reached around him and grabbed the door handle, "Sorry, we gotta go. I'll see you tonight."

"See ya." Joe stepped back from the Mini and watched us get in. "Nice seeing you again, Jamie."

"You too," said Jamie, "See ya tonight."

We arrived at my parent's house at precisely 6 o'clock, which was bad because that's when dinner starts, no matter what. Joe's truck was already in front of the house. Jamie and I looked at the front window, seeing my mother and Grandma Mazur standing side by side, staring at us.

"So Grandma moved in, huh?" said Jamie.

"Yeah, right after Grandpa died," I kept forgetting that Jamie had been gone these five years.

"Hmmm…I better brace myself. I haven't been this scared since I dumped a bucket of ice water on Ranger."

"You dumped a bucket of ice water on him? Why?" and why aren't you dead?

Jamie shrugged and got out of the car, "I forget, but it was revenge for something. That was most ofour relationship. We just did stuff to each other and got revenge."

At the sight of Jamie, my mother's and grandmother's eyes got as wide as dinner plates. My mom opened the door and rushed outside, grabbing Jamie in a lung-crushing hug.

"Holy Mary Mother of God! It's a miracle, you're home!" she said, tears in her eyes.

"Yeah, ow, can't exactly breathe. I missed you too, mom," said Jamie, wrapping her arms around my mother. My mom stepped back and smacked Jamie lightly on the side of head. "Where were you? It's been five years! We were so worried!"

"Yeah," said Grandma, joining the hug, "They all thought you were dead. Me, I knew you were just fine. I was thinking maybe you got abducted by aliens and then conquered their planet."

"Ah, it was something like that," said Jamie.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Sorry I forgot to do this. I thought maybe if I didn't remind you thatI owned nothing except Jamie, you would forget. Silly me.

Here is the fourth chapter (hurrraaay!) I will proceed to wrack my brain for more ideas. Hope it doens't hurt too much grin. ENJOY!

We all went inside and sat down at the table. Jamie grinned and said hi to Joe, who smiled back. My dad shuffled into the dining room and stopped and stared when he saw Jamie.

"Daddy!" Jamie yelled and almost tackled him.

"Welcome home, Jamie," he said simply. That man never ceases to amaze me.

"Where's Valerie?" I asked, "isn't she suppose to come too?"

"The girls were sick tonight so they couldn't make it," said my mother, "she'll be here next week with Albert."

"I thought she was married to whats'iz face in California?" said Jamie. I wondered how she knew that. She hadn't been here for Val's wedding.

"He left her for the babysitter," said Grandma, "so she moved here and married a Kloughn."

Jamie sat back down and everyone dug into the food. Then the questions started. Usually the only noise during dinner was chewing and the occasional 'Grandma set the table cloth on fire again!' but now everyone was asking Jamie where the hell she'd been. Jamie told us about hitchhiking down the coast to Florida, meeting Ranger, getting arrested in the Keys, stealing a boat, driving it up and down the coast and then flying to Europe. She told us about traveling around France, Spain, Italy, Germany, England, Ireland where she had her first legal drink at 18 in an Irish pub, and sailing to Australia.

"Why did you run away?" my mother asked once she processed all this new information.

Jamie was barely able to answer before Grandma piped up, "Did you meet anysexy French lovers?"

Jamie laughed, "Oh you don't know the half of it, Grandma," I wasn't sure if she was kidding or not.

After 45 minutes of lots more questions, Jamie and I excused ourselves and went upstairs to change. Joe had to relieve somebody on surveillance so I said goodbye to him before following Jamie up the stairs.

"When do you get to go home? I could come by when you're done," I said hopefully. I really wanted to see him.

"Sorry Cupcake, I can't tonight. How about tomorrow? I could get us a pizza."

"That would be cool. I'll see you tomorrow," I said.

Joe pulled me into a bone melting I-can't-live-without-you kiss and then he left.

"Hey Stephy are ya coming?" Jamie yelled from the top of the stairs.

I found her in her old bedroom. "It hasn't changed a bit," she said. My mother had left it exaclty as it was when she ran away. Posters on the walls, a giant lego castle in one corner, a deck piled high with random papers in another. The bookshelf was full of books, notebooks, cds, and more. There was an old empty aquarium on the desk. Even the blue and red striped bed spread hadn't changed and you could see her old bb gun sticking out from under the bed. I knew there would be assorted sports equitment in the closet and a distarous array of clothes in the chest of drawers. My sister wasn't the most organized person in the world. Jamie was staring at the wall above her bed. There hung a huge map of the world, with different colored dotted lines drawn on to mark her course and pins sticking out. She had spent hours pouring over that thing just weeks before she ran away, plotting her route around the world.

Jamie finally turned around and brushed passed me into the bathroom.

"So what are you wearing tonight?" I asked her, pulling my own tight black skirt out of my shoulder bag.

Jamie reached into her own messenger bag and pulled out a gorgeous red, strapless dress that kind of flared out at the bottom. (sorry, I suck at describing clothes)

"I got this in France," she said.

We did the make up, hair, finishing-touches thing together in the bathroom. I was wearing a tight black skirt that ended a few inches above my knees, a slightly see-through white halter top, and black strappy four inch FMPs. Jamie had on the red dress, beautiful red heels, and she had taken her hair out of braids and fluffed it up. We both looked pretty damn good.

We had a few minutes left so I decided to ask Jamie the question that had been nagging at me all day, "When you said pulling pranks was most of your relationship, what was the other part?" she knew who I was talking about.

Jamie looked at me for a while before answering, "I dunno. Friends, I guess. We spent a lot of time together. He never really talked much when we were working or something, and that was most of the time. The only times we were alone together was at a hotel after a job or something. There was once when we were stranded in the middle of the ocean on a broken motor boat for a while. But besides that, we were never alone much."

I had a feeling there was more to it than just 'friends', but I didn't press the issue. "Why were you stranded in the middle of the ocean?"

"We were working undercover on this big time crime boss's yaught and were discovered. The boss guy, instead of killing us, drugged our drinks one night and dumped us on a motor boat. I got it working after a while, and we motored to land, which turned out to be a little deserted island."

"Wow."

The doorbell rang as Jamie and I were coming down the stairs. I heard the door open and Ranger ask for us.

"They're just upstairs getting ready," I heard Grandma say, "Why don't you come in? We have pie and ice cream."

Ranger looked past Grandma at me and mentally begged for help. I felt Jamie snickering next me and decided to come to Ranger's rescue.

"Sorry Grandma, we have to go," I said, sliding past her.

"Well don't you two look nice," Grandma said, "are you going to go and lure some poor hottie out of a bar?"

"Yup," said Jamie, "see ya later."

I closed the door behind us and looked at Ranger, "You owe me one. I just saved your ass."

The corners of Ranger's mouth tipped up a fraction of a centimeter. "Don't try to make me forget about the Apusenja incident by saving me from your grandmother," he said, "I'm still going to get you back for that."

Shit. I thought he would forget about that. Jamie grinned at me, "You better be careful, sis, Ranger is good at getting revenge. What was the Apusenja incident?"

During the ride to the bar I told her about sending the Apusenja's to harass Ranger. He had slipped into his eye-of-the-tiger-driving-zone so he probably wasn't listening.

"Oooooh you're gonna get it," said Jamie with a grin, "believe me, I've had experience with this kind of thing. He waits until you've pushed it to the back of your mind and stopped being cautious. Then he pounces. Most of the time I couldn't remember what he was getting me back for. It was hard to keep track what with all the stuff I did to him,"

I looked over a Ranger and saw him smiling, his eyes still fixed on the road.

"What kind of stuff?" I asked. This was really interesting. Here I thought Ranger was 'aware of his surroundings'. I couldn't imagine someone pulling a prank on him.

"Well you already know about when I shoved him off the boat. And the time I dumped a bucket of ice water on him. One time I paid him to let me curl his hair. THAT was fun. I put a bunch of chili peppers in his food once. Oh and then that one time we were on a really long flight and Ranger was sound asleep and I drew all over his face with permanent marker."

My mouth was hanging open. Again, why the HELL wasn't this girl dead? I looked at Ranger, who was still smiling, and tried to imagine him with curly hair. The picture in my mind made me burst out laughing. This was hilarious, but still really confusing. I was totally lost. What the hell went on between these two? I knew there was more to it besides pulling pranks. She followed him around the world helping him do random jobs. Who knows how much time they spent together. Doing what, though? I've spent time with Ranger but it was mostly in silence. I shook my head. I'd find out sometime.

We pulled up in front of Harry's bar and Ranger turned towards me, handing me a file.

"The mark's name is Jeff Montelli. He's 43, and wanted for second degree murder and possession. I'm going to wire you two. I don't want one of you being snuffed in a coat closet. I'll be coming in in about ten minutes, so keep him occupied for a while." Ranger said as he slid his hands up my shirt. I inhaled sharply. Damn hormones. It was a good thing I had caved and started eating sugar again, or I would be drooling at this point. Jamie attached her own wire, and she and I got out of the Mercedes and sashayed into the bar.

The big room was crowded, people standing around tables, drinking and laughing. Montelli was easy to spot though. He was sitting at the bar, drink in hand. He was wearing a rumpled suit and tie and Italian loafers. His dark hair was thinning, he wore glasses, and he had a BIG potbelly.

"Yuk," said Jamie. Amen to that.

Jamie and I sat on opposite ends of the bar. I saw the bartender card her before he served her a drink. She did look pretty young. It was hard to believe she was twenty one. I watched as Montelli spotted Jamie. He didn't just check her out with his eyes, his whole head bobbed up and down. I narrowed my eyes. Stephanie Plum, protective sister. Montelli signaled the bartender and ordered another drink, gesturing towards Jamie. Omigod he was buying her a drink. Stupid creep.

Jamie excepted the drink enthusiastically and threw Montelli a sexy look. She eased of her seat and sat next to him, smiling. Damn she was good. She had him hooked like a fish. I watched them talk for a minute, and then saw Jamie gesture toward me. Say what? Why did she need me? She was doing just fine on her own. But I forced a smile and moved closer anyway. Ranger said this guy needed to be very distracted.

"This is your sister?" asked Montelli, doing a full body scan. I swear if I had a gun he would be dead right now.

"Yep, this is Stephanie—," said Jamie, suddenly shifting her gaze to the door, "aw fruck."

I turned around and looked. A man had just entered, wearing jeans and boots and a leather jacket. He looked angry and mean. He scanned the bar, looking for someone…or something. His eyes fell on Jamie and he smiled a wicked smile and started making his way through the crowd, towards us.

Jamie bent down and started unfastening the buckles on her heels.

"What are you doing? Who is that?" I asked, suddenly worried.

"I never got the hang of running in heels," said Jamie, handing her shoes to me. She got off the stool and stood four inches shorter. She looked at me and grinned, "Stop looking so worried, Steph, I'll be fine. See ya at home," And she was gone, sliding as easily as Ranger did barefootthrough the crowd.

Shit.

heehee cliffhanger...


	5. Chapter 5

Still don't own anything. sigh. Thanks for the reviews. Here's Chapter 5:

I watched Jamie disappear into the crowd. I was worried, sure, but something told me she'd be ok. She had survived this long, right?

"So whadda ya say we get outta here?" said Montelli with a slimy grin on his big slimy face.

I flashed him my million dollar smile at him, "sure."

Ranger dropped me off at my apartment after we hauled Montelli back to the clink. Jamie was still wearing her wire, and Ranger said she had gotten home ok.

"Thanks," I said to Ranger. I really wanted to ask him about him and Jamie, but I didn't think right now was the best time.

Ranger smiled and did the ESP thing. "Jamie and I spent a lot of time together. Most of it was working. The rest of the time we were friends. You can stop thinking about now," and then he grabbed me and kissed me. It was one of those toe-curling, brain-mashing, I-want-to-rip-your-clothes-off kinds of kisses. And he drove away before I regained consciousness.

I sighed and trudged into my apartment building. My knees were still a little weak from that kiss, so I opted for the elevator. When I got up to my apartment, I found my door unlocked. I guess Jamie was home. I walked in and found Jamie on the couch with her feet up on the coffee table and pressing a towel against her head.

"Jeez what happened?" I asked her.

She looked up at me, "He clipped me with a bullet but it's not so bad that I have to go to the hospital. Just a scratch." Yeah. Getting shot in the head was sooooo not that big a deal.

"You should still go though just to make sure."

"Nah, it's ok. I've had worse without visits to the hospital, believe me," she said, yawning. She was still wearing the red dress. I dropped her shoes on the floor and flopped down on the couch next to her.

"How did you get in? You don't have a key." I really didn't need to ask, seeing as she knew Ranger, but I wanted to know anyway.

"Never go anywhere without bobby pins." (A/N I don't know if that actually works but humor me, ok?)

"How did you get the chain off?" I asked.

"Sorry. If I told you I'd have to kill you," hmm…

"So who was that guy who came in the bar?"

Jamie laughed softly, looking straight ahead. She reminded me a little of Ranger and it was freaking me out. "That was Jack Summer. He's been after me for years. I can't even remember what I did to piss him off so bad. I probably stole something. My memory is so bad these days. Probably from getting hit in the head so many times. Anywho, he chased me all the way across town and I finally lost him. But not before he got a couple good shots at me."

Like sister, like sister, I thought. We both get shot at by psychos. My poor mother.

"So," said Jamie, looking at me again, "You're a bounty hunter now, eh? How is that working out for you?"

I sighed and slouched back, "Okay, I guess. I get stalked and shot at and cussed at and I'm always rolling in garbage, but otherwise it's okay."

"How did you get the job? I know you're family and all, but Vinnie isn't stupid and I don't think he'd hire anyone inexperienced."

I smiled, "I blackmailed him. I told him that if he didn't give me a chance I'd tell his wife about the duck."

Jamie burst out laughing. "I remember that! That was great. That was hilarious."

The next morning I was torn away from Dream-Land by a series of loud raps on the door. I called groggily for Jamie to get it but she didn't answer me. I staggered out of bed and shuffled past the couch, where Jamie lay snoring, half on the floor. The scene made me smile as I wrapped my bathrobe around my self and continued through the door. I pressed my face against the door and looked through the peephole.

"Damn," I whispered. It was the guy from last night. Jack Summer. The guy who was after Jamie. I looked back at the sleeping form that was my sister, and decided to play dumb. I opened the door, leaving the chain on, and peeked out.

"Yes?" I asked, making sure he couldn't look around me and see Jamie.

"Are you Stephanie Plum?"

"Who wants to know?" Time to play Wonder Woman.

"I was wondering if you had seen your sister, Jamie, lately. She owes me some money and I haven't been able to get a hole of her."

Hmmm. "Sorry. I haven't seen her in five years. You should try her friend…uh…Melony." When in doubt, fib.

Summer narrowed his eyes. "You're lying. I saw you with her last night at that bar. And I bet she's sleeping on your couch right now." Damn this guy is good.

"S'eph..?" Jamie mumbled from the living room, "whozat th'door?"

I winced. Summer shoved at the door, trying to get in. I held my ground, scared stiff.

Summer produced a gun. "Open the door," he growled.

The gun did it. I released the chain and opened the door. Jamie obviously knew he was here because when I followed Summer into the living room, she was gone.

"Where did she go?" He asked dangerously. He started to search the apartment, opening doors and shoving things out of his way.

"HEY!" I yelled at him, "Don't you have any respect for other people's property?"

Summer didn't answer me. He just kept searching the apartment. Finally satisfied that Jamie was no longer in the vicinity, he left, slamming the door behind him. I stood there stunned for a moment. My apartment was totally trashed. He had taken his anger out my wrenched all the pillows off the couch, dumping stuff from the cupboards onto the floor, and he even slashed my pillow with a knife. Can you say anger management?

I was pulled back to reality by the sound of my phone ringing. I picked it up before it could go to the answering machine.

"Is he gone?" Jamie asked.

"Yeah. Where are you?"

"I took your car to the bakery. Want some donuts?"

"Boston Crème."

Jamie returned as I was cleaning up.

"Jeez, sorry he came over," she said, taking in the mess, "I can leave if you want and get another apartment or something. I don't want to drag you into this." She set the bakery bag on the counter.

I sighed and extracted a Boston Crème out of the bag. "It's ok, I'm used to psychos messing up my apartment. It was firebombed once, you know."

"Yeah, I knew."

How, though? That was just a couple of years ago. Jamie was probably in a third world country a couple of years ago.

"How?" I asked, deciding to voice my questions in hope of organizing my brain.

"Ranger told me when it happened. He kept me updated on your life and all the stuff you blew up." Jamie said.

Jesus.

I don't know where this story is going. Any suggestions?


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6. Enjoy.

"Yeah," Jamie continued, "my favorite one was the Porsche-flattened-by-garbage-truck."

I grimaced. Definitely not one of my best moments.

Jamie suddenly was looking mischievous. "Speaking of Ranger, what the hell is going on between you two?"

She's asking me? "huh?"

"Don't play dumb, Steph. I've seen the way he looks at you. He looks at you like you're lunch. Don't tell me you don't notice it."

I hesitated. What was going on between me and Ranger? He knows now the effect he has on me. He has already declared Open Season. These past few months since the Stiva incident he has taken advantage of every second we spend together to say something outrageously suggestive or get his hands on me.

"Well…?" Jamie broke into my thoughts, looking expectant.

"I…don't really know." I finally admitted.

"But you're attracted to him, right?"

"A woman would have to be dead not to."

"And you've slept with him, right?"

OMIGOD. Did he tell her that? "Er. Yes. How do you know?" I braced myself for the worst.

"God given talent," she said, "did he seduce you or what?"

"Er. No. It was a deal."

Her eyebrows shot up, "really? A deal?"

"yeah…I needed his help bringing in an FTA so he said if he succeeded in the capture…I would have to spend the night with him."

"So I'm assuming he succeeded, right?" said Jamie, grinning.

"Yeah."

She took a minute to digest this, so I hit her with the big guns.

"What about you? He is so different around you, and I KNOW something happened so don't even bother saying 'nothing,' 'cause I know it's not true."

Jamie was about to answer when the phone rang. She went and answered it before the answering machine picked up.

"Yello," she said into the phone. Her eyes darkened.

"What's your point?" Silence. "Go ahead." More silence. "I'd like to see you try, assface," she said and then hung up.

I grimaced, "That was Jack?"

"Yup. So what are you doing today?" Jamie asked me. Ooooh subject change. Thus making it obvious that something had happened. Ok, so I'd let it by. But next time I WILL find out.

"I have to go to the office to see if there are any FTAs…and then I thought I'd go shopping."

"oooh fun. I would come, but Jack is still out there so I should probably hide for a while."

"Where? For how long?" I asked. This wasn't good. I didn't want Jamie to disappear again.

She saw my expression and grinned. "Relax Steph, I'm not falling off the planet. I'm probably going to stay at Ranger's building. He always has a couple extra apartments. I need to get a job anyway and he'll give me one."

I sighed with relief. Jamie would automatically be safe in Ranger's building. Once she came in contact with the Merry Men, nothing could happen to her.

We were in the car, driving across town to Rangeman. Jamie had already talked to Ranger and he said she could stay. Every once in a while she looked out the window, her gun in her lap.

"What are you looking for?" I asked.

"Jack. He knows your car."

"what!"

Jamie sighed. "When he called he told me that he knew what car you drove and stuff like that and how he'll take us both out if he has to." She turned to me, "Sorry I got you into this."

"I'm used to it." The sad thing was, I really am.

We pulled up to Rangeman and Jamie leaned out the window. "HEY TANK let us in, will ya?"

The gate opened and I drove down to the underground parking lot. "How could he hear you?"

"There are microphones on the gate along with cameras," Jamie answered.

Ranger met us in the garage. He was leaning against the wall, looking sexy as ever in black SWAT pants tucked into big black combat boots and a t shirt that was painted on.

"Damn he's hot," murmured Jamie.There was a longing to her voice that made me stare at her for a beat. She probably didn't even realise that she had said that out loud.She didn't notice my staringand got out of the car.

"howdy," she said to Ranger.

He smiled a fraction and raised an eyebrow, "So Jack is after Stephanie too, now?"

"Eeeeyup. Like sister like sister. So who was the lucky guy who got kicked out for me?"

"This time it was Tank. He's not too happy so you better steer clear of him for a while. I'll be up in a minute."

Jamie winked at me and got into the elevator. The door closed and Ranger grabbed me and pulled me close to him.

"It's nice to see you here again," he said, his lips brushing against mine.

I was momentarily speechless. He took advantage of my silence and kissed me.

The moment was ended by his cell phone vibrating. He had me pressed up against him, and I could feel it through his pants.

"That better be your cell phone," I said before my brain could stop me.

Ranger grinned wolfishly and answer his phone, "Yo….In a box….In my closet…yeah okay."

I raised an eyebrow, not expecting him to elaborate on the conversation.

Ranger grinned and pulled me close again. "That was Jamie," he said, "she told me to send you up to Tank's apartment when we're done making out."

He kissed me again and I felt my toes curl. Damn Jamie. Ranger finally let go and pushed me towards the elevator. "You better go before I lose control," he said.

I hurried into the elevator and pressed 4. When the doors binged open I heard Jamie's voice, "Wow that was fast. I wasn't expecting you here for another 20 minutes or so."

She was poking her head out of an apartment down the hall. I sent her a glare and she just laughed at me and ducked back inside. When I arrived at the door I saw her sitting in front of a box on the floor of the living room. I came in and sat down next to her.

"What are all these?" I asked.

"All the letters I sent Ranger from random parts of the world. I can't believe he kept all of them."

The box was full of letters and Polaroid pictures. There was a cocoanut stuffed in there too.

"A cocoanut?" I asked, pulling it out.

Jamie laughed. "Yup. I was on this little island somewhere and wrote on a cocoanut. You're allowed to mail them, you know."

I wasn't listening. I was reading what she wrote to Ranger. The note on the cocoanut was scribbled in black marker, slightly faded. I could easily make out the words.

_Howdy Ranger ol' buddy ol' pal ol' chum ol' cronie!_

_Soooo I'm sitting here on this GORGEOUS island in the Caribbean on the beach in a skimpy little bikini…haha nice images, eh? Anywho I could_ _totally imagine you sitting here next to me in a LITTLE black speedo…whoa Ranger fantasies heeheeheehee right…So how are you? I haven't heard from you in months…You aren't dead are you? Oh by the way you win the bet, you bastard. How's that gun shot wound healing? Heh sorry about that I honestly didn't know there was a bullet chambered…and besides it was Tank's fault 'cuz he's the one who yelled and made me fire… right…we should go paint balling again sometime…heh I sure got a lot of welts from that. Ooooh dear I see Jack running down the beach with….holy fuck it's a pick axe! Sooooo anywho I'll see you later…unless you die or something…or if jack impales me on a pick axe…ew._

_Lots of love and SLOPPY WET KISSES,_

_Jamie_

Holy shit.

I turned to Jamie, "PAINTBALLING! RANGER?" my voice was about eight octives higher. This was turning into a very important day.

Jamie looked up from a letter she was reading and laughed at me. "Yeah. And Tank too."

I felt my jaw drop. I honestly couldn't imagine Ranger paint balling. Ranger. Paint balling? _Ranger? Paint balling?_ What the fuck? And what was the bet thing? And she shot him? I was so lost. SO lost. I was so lost I couldn't even think of what question to ask next.

"Uh…Jamie?"

She looked back up at me. "Yeah?"

"What was the bet? And you shot him?"

"Aw hell I can't remember what the bet was. Probably something stupid. And yeah I accidentally shot him once. Ranger and I were talking and I was holding my gun, which I thought was empty of bullets, and Tank all of a sudden sees this huge tarantula and freaks out which scares the hell out of me and I accidentally press down the trigger. It was just a flesh wound though. I shot him in the leg."

Tank afraid of spiders? I felt myself smile. This was going to be fun.

Jamie read my mind. "You better not tease him about that. I did once and he threw me out a window."

So much jaw dropping in such a small period of time. "He threw you out a window?"

The last time I was doing a job with Ranger Tank threw a guy out a window.

Jaime shrugged, "It wasn't that bad. I landed in a dumpster."

I was about to answer when my cell phone chirped. It was Joe.

"Stephanie." He said shortly. He used my name. Not good.

When in doubt, play innocent. "Yes?"

"Is there something you'd like to tell me? Like WHY someone would firebomb your arpartment?"


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Still don't own anything except Jamie and the shirt on my back.

Sorry I haven't updated in a few days...I've had writers block and I just got spacers so my teeth hurt and crap like that. So here's chapter seven...

Again, another jaw drop. "huh?"

Joe sighed. "You better get here fast. And before you freak out, Rex is just fine."

Well thank God for that because I was about to freak out. Jamie was looking at me curiously as I stood up. "What's up?" she asked.

"Bomb…fire…apartment…my"

"Hmm…a little out of order, but I get the picture. Someone firebombed your apartment?"

I just nodded. This was the second time this had happened. What do people have against my apartment! I know the bathroom is a little ugly, but is that any reason to firebomb it? When I came back into reality I was in my Mini Cooper, strapped into the passenger seat. Jamie was driving like she was on the Autobahn.

"Uh…do you want to slow down?" I asked.

Jamie didn't answer. Dammit she was reminding me of Ranger again.

We saw the firetrucks, blue and whites, and ambulances when we arrived in my lot. Morelli was standing, fists on hips, watching as Jamie swerved to halt. She grinned briefly. "I've always wanted to do that…like on the 'Italian Job'."

We got out of the car and ambled over to Joe. I was staring at my blackened apartment, jaw open. Morelli placed a finger on my chin and pushed my mouth closed.

"You want to tell me something?" He asked. I looked at him. He had his cop face on and his voice was tight. I opened my mouth to answer but Jamie cut me off.

"This is my fault. There's this guy trying to kill me and he knows I'm living with Stephanie…so yeah."

"What are you going to do about it?" Morelli asked her.

"I'm staying at Ranger's building. And I'll probably buy some plane tickets somewhere to make it look like I left. That'll throw him off for a while. He isn't that smart."

Morelli nodded and looked at me, his eyes hard, "Are you staying with Ranger too?"

"No. I don't know where I'm staying. Is my apartment okay?"

"The bedroom and living room are completely charred," said Morelli, his eyes softening, "you can stay with me, you know."

Mmmm…good idea. "Ok…but if my bedroom is charred then I don't have any clothes. Or jammies."

Morelli sent me a wolf grin, "You won't need any, Cupcake."

Mmmm...

Since I no longer had clothes, Jamie and I hit the mall. We went to Macy's and Nordstrom and Meier and Frank and Victoria's Secret. I grilled Jamie about her travels around the world, particularly fishing for Ranger stories. I was hoping that if I kept the questions vague she would let something slip about their relationship.

"…so anyway, we were in this jungle somewhere, looking for these criminals who had escaped some prison, and it was like pitch black so we couldn't see our friggin' hands in front of our faces, and all of a sudden all this gunfire breaks out. I mean it seriously sounded like freaking world war three. Like someone was unloading an Uzi or something. It was friggin' scary. So we start running, right? And like dodging bullets and stuff. I got hit in the arm and Ranger got hit I forget where and Tank and Woody are yelling at us to move and we're running into trees and vines and it's so dark and then we run straight into this little creek. The gunfire finally stops and we rest there for a bit before we start moving again. And that was it. The next morning we found the escaped felons and it was so weird 'cause they didn't have any guns on them. Like we were attacked by ghosts or something." Jamie told me, digging through a clearance sale box.

"Jeez. Was everyone okay?"

She extracted a red and yellow beanie and tried it on, "Tank lost a lot of blood 'cause he got hit in the side but other than that, yeah."

"Did you ever think you were going to die?" I had asked Ranger this once and he said yes.

"Lots of times. But I knew I wasn't going to. All of those times were with Ranger and I knew he wasn't going to let me die. And even if he hadn't been there, I would've been okay. Like I just tell myself 'fuck no you're not going to die. There are so many places you haven't been and great deserts you haven't eaten.' And that usually pulls me through."

The thing that stuck with me was 'Ranger wasn't going to let me die'. This indicated a certain level of…what? Caring? Maybe it was the kind of thing as it was with me. I know Ranger would never let _me_ die.

Jamie looked at me thoughtfully, "We owe each other our lives, you know."

"What?"

"He's saved my life, and I've saved his. So I guess we're even."

"When did he save your life?" this was getting interesting.

"Hmmm…it was a couple of years ago…Jack kidnapped me. I forget where we were. I was in this basement or something handcuffed to a table. Jack had already beaten the shit out of me so I was pretty out of it. I hadn't seen Ranger in like months so I wasn't exactly expecting him to show up. So anyway Jack came down into the basement and was about to blow my brains out but Ranger magically showed up and stun gunned him. It was pretty cool."

"He's done the same thing for. He probably told you about the whole Ramos thing, right?"

"Yeah he told me about that. That sounded like fun. I wanted to meet Alexander Ramos."

My sister has a strange sense of fun. "There was one time where I think he killed someone for me. Has he ever done that for you?"

Jamie looked up at me. "He really wants to kill Jack, but I won't let him."

And that's stopping him? "Why won't you let him?"

"Are you kidding me? I love this cat-and-mouse game. It's a thrill. I always have to keep watching my back. It keeps me aware of _everything_. Plus it's fun as hell, because even if Jack does get a hold of me, he can't hold on for long. I live for this."

I just stared at her. What the freak? Jamie laughed at my expression and went back to digging through the clearance sale box.

I was starting to get antsy. I wanted to know what went on between Ranger and Jamie. I wanted to know _why_ he acted so different to her, and I wanted to know more about him. Jamie obviously knew a bunch of stuff I didn't. Jamie stared at me and did the ESP thing, "I know what you're thinking," she said slowly, "But the truth is I don't know much about him either. I mean, I know he has an ex-wife and a kid, and that he's been Special Forces and stuff, but other than that I don't know much about his past. I have met his daughter though, and she was one cool kid. One time I asked him about it and he just stared at me for almost three minutes straight. It was pretty scary."

"Jeez. The last time I asked him about his 'deep dark secret' he just said to drop it." I said.

Jamie grinned evilly at me, "That's 'cuz he likes you."

Ugh. "What's his daughter like?"

"Ah she is so cool. She's got Ranger's eyes and hair and tan skin and 200 watt smile, and she's on her way to being gorgeous. She's only eleven but you can tell she's gonna be a knockout. And she's the one who gave me all the prank ideas. She is like the coolest kid I've ever met. Really smart and clever and funny."

Wow. "What's her name?"

"Jasmine. But she hates that name so she makes everyone call her Jazz. Which makes her even cooler."

Time for the big question, "What's his ex like?"

Jamie scowled. "She is a bitch. That's all I have to say. Don't tell Ranger I told you this, and don't even hint you know. She cheated on him. That's why they got divorced. There was a big nasty battle for custody but the stupid bitch won. She is seriously a whore. She's had about three husbands since Ranger and all of them have been rich and every time she divorced one, she used Jazz to get lots of money for childcare or something. I hate her guts and so does Jazz."

Well this was interesting. Ranger's wife cheated on him? Harsh. And I had a feeling I knew why Jamie would hate her guts too.


	8. Chapter 8

So here's Chapter 8. I have more ideas so I will be writing more. Enjoy! and thanks for all the great reviews!

It was so obvious. Jamie was in love with Ranger. The way she talked about him, the way she looked at him, the way her eyes just lit up when he was around. I can't believe I didn't see it before. And that made me wonder what his feelings toward her were. Whoa. Ranger in love? I couldn't imagine it. I mean, he's told me he loves me in his own way…but is that the same thing? Jamie didn't notice I just had a revelation and was talking again.

"I know Tank's real name, ya know," she said, grinning evilly.

I came back to reality and looked at her, "really? What is it?"

"Sorry. I was sworn to secrecy." She grimaced. "Tank made it pretty clear that I couldn't tell anyone."

"OH COME ON. You can't bring up something and then not elaborate. Gossip doesn't work that way. Especially in the Burg. You HAVE to supply details."

"Well…when you put it that way…"

I narrowed my eyes. "So spill."

Jamie glanced around, "I really shouldn't…"

"TELL ME!"

She winced and covered her ears, "Jeez. You don't have to scream. I'm right here."

I just looked at her expectantly. "Well?"

"You can't tell Ranger you know or he'll tell Tank and Tank will kill me…or worse."

"Yeah, yeah, blah blah blah. Tell me. Now."

Jamie sighed. "It's Patrick."

Ten second jaw drop.

"Steph? Are you still with us?"

"Patrick?"

"Yup."

"_PATRICK!"_

Jamie giggled. I giggled. We both giggled. And then it turned into outright laughter. We were leaning on each other, cracking up. People were staring, but who the hell cared? Tank's name was Patrick. We stumbled out of the store, still giggling. We giggled all the way to the food court and were still giggling when we sat down to eat. I had just stopped to breathe when my cell phone chirped.

"heehee Yo," I said, trying to fight the giggles.

Ranger was silent for a beat. "She told you Tank's real name, didn't she."

"Yup…heeheehee." How did he know that?

I heard a "WHAT!" in the background and winced. Jamie saw my wince and raised an eyebrow.

"GIVE. THE. PHONE. TO. JAMIE. _NOW._" said Tank, clearly with clenched teeth.

"Okay, Patrick, one second," I knew I would pay for that, but I couldn't resist. I handed the phone over to Jamie, who was looking even more confused. She put it up to her ear and said Howdy. Then she started grinning. And then laughing again.

"Whatever you say, Patty Cake," she said. She was silent for a minute, listening. "Yeah I know he's gonna hurt me. Sure." Ranger was back on.

"Tank says you're both going to pay. It's not a good idea to get on his bad side, Babe," said Ranger. I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Well Tank needs to relax. What's up?"

"I heard about your apartment."

"Yeah it sucks like a bitch. So Jamie and I are at the mall shopping for new clothes."

"I figured. You have a place to stay?"

"I'm staying with Joe."

"Babe," he said and then hung up.

"That man needs to learn how to say goodbye." I said, dropping my phone into the black hole that was my bag.

"Tell me about it. One time I stayed on the phone for like five minutes before I realized he had hung up."

"One more thing, you called Tank _Patty Cake_?" I asked. It was a wonder this girl wasn't dead.

Jamie laughed at me. "Yeah and the first time I called him that he stuffed me into a dryer and trapped me inside with a big safe until I had apologized sufficiently. He was going to leave the safe on top of it all night, but Ranger came to my rescue."

That night saw me sitting on Morelli's couch, beer in one hand, piece of pizza in the other. Jamie was off avoiding Tank's wrath, and I was spending the night at Morelli's house.

"Have you found Jack Summer yet?" I asked. With A LOT of reluctance, Jamie described Jack and what he looked like and all that good stuff. Now the police were after him. Jamie told me that since he knew that she would never call the cops on him, he knew it had been me. This wasn't good. Now he would be after me. It wouldn't make a difference if Jamie left or not, because he would still be after me. And I thought it couldn't get any worse…silly me.

Morelli sighed. "We're working on it. How do you get into this stuff, anyway?"

"Hey it wasn't my fault."

"It never is."

"He was after Jamie originally…but I guess he likes me better now." That was one way to put it.

"Or hates you more." Said Morelli. Yeah that too.

"This sucks," I said, "Why can't I just lead a normal life? Why do all the crazies come after me? I'm a nice person. I don't kick puppies. I don't make fun of people to their faces. I don't cheat on my boyfriend. Why the hell are they always after me!"

I don't think Morelli was paying much attention because his hands were up my shirt and he was trying to release the clasp on my bra.

"I don't know, Cupcake but let's go upstairs and I'll take all your problems away."

Mmmm…

I slid out of bed at the crack o' noon. I would have been there longer if it hadn't been for the dog slime all over my face. I shoved Bob off of me and staggered into the bathroom where I stripped and showered. I stepped out of the shower into Morelli's room, dressed, hopelessly tried to tame my hair, and applied makeup. I was pretty freaked out about this whole Scary Man Trying To Kill Me thing, so I added extra mascara. I ate a healthy breakfast of orange juice and two Boston Crèmes while I read the paper. And lo and behold, there was my picture plastered on the front page, staring dumbstruck at my smoldered apartment. Morelli was in the picture, and so was Jamie.

I was standing on the sidewalk, alongside my Mini Copper with my keys in my hand. I was kind of afraid there was a bomb on it. I stood there for a minute and then called Jamie.

"Hello!" She was giggling and gasping for air. Hmm…

"Christ, what were you doing just now?" I asked.

She lowered her voice to a whisper, "I'm hiding from Tank. He's been chasing me all morning. I'm in a closet right now. What's up?"

I didn't answer right away. I honestly couldn't imagine Tank chasing anyone unless it was a felon or something. "Uh…Does Jack like to plant bombs?" I asked finally.

There was silence, and then a yell and lots of noise and "STOP!" Then the line went dead. Uh oh. It looks like Tank found her. I stood on the sidewalk for a few minutes and was just about to say screw it and get in my car when Jamie called back.

"Sorry. No, he doesn't plant bombs." She said. She sounded like she was in pain and having a hard time talking.

"What did he do to you?" I asked.

"You mean what is he _doing_ to me? The hippo is sitting on me and I can barely breathe! He only let me call you back 'cause it involved your safety. I think Tank liiiiikes yoou!" This was followed by a smack and an 'OW FUCK!' and a disconnect. I got into the Mini Cooper and motored over to the office.

"Anything new come in?" I asked, walking through the door. Connie was doing her nails in a blood red, and Lula was doing what she did best—not filing.

"Yo girl, I saw your picture on the front page this morning. You need a place to stay?" Lula said to me. She was wearing the bright yellow fuax-fur jacket that shed yellow all over the place over a hot pick spandex shirt. But I liked her pants the best. They were tight and black and very leather.

"I'm staying with Morelli," I said, picking up a bunch of files from Connie's desk.

Connie and Lula exchanged glances, smiling. Ugh. Connie turned back to me and gestured toward the files I was looking through. "There's only a couple in there you might want," she said, "The rest are psychos."

I selected a file out of the pile and smiled at the name. Carol Cantell. The woman who robbed a Frito/Lay truck. I wondered what she did this time. I read through the file and smiled some more. This time she robbed a See's Candies truck.

"Why you smilin'? And who is this other girl in the picture?" Lula added, looking back down at the front page.

"Remember Carol Cantell? She robbed a See's Candies truck this time. And that's my sister Jamie in the picture."

"I didn't know you had a sister."

"Well I do. And she knows Ranger better than me."

"Damn."

"I know. It's scary. So shall we?" I said, starting towards the door.

"Yeah but we ain't takin' the little Midget Car of yours. You'd never be able to fit a full bodied woman like me in one of them Midget Cars."

Lula and I rode in Lula's Firebird to Cantell's neighborhood head banging to Metallica. When we pulled up in front of her house, the first thing we noticed was her sister, Cindy, pacing the porch, occasionally banging on the door.

"Oh thank God you're here," Cindy said to us as we walked up to the porch, throwing her hands into the air. "After the Frito incident, who would have thought she would do it again? I thought she learned. I thought she got help for this kind of thing. I guess I was wrong!"


	9. Chapter 9

I grinned at her. "So why did she rob a truck again, anyway? Was it her time of the month?" Last time she robbed a truck it was because of her period. You gotta go something about cramps.

Alrighty. Here's Chapter 9...

Cindy rolled her eyes. "No. She has been on a diet since the chip-incident and she was really strung out with chocolate cravings so she snapped."

I smiled. I could definitely relate. I walked up the porch and banged on the door.

"Carol, COME OUT! You aren't going to jail, I promise!"

Her answer through the door was muffled, "But I have priors now!"

"No. You only have one prior. And I bet you'll have a woman judge, anyway."

Carol opened the door and peeked out. She was a wreck. She was in an over large tee shirt and pink pajama pants. Her make up was smudged and there were chocolate stains everywhere. "Are you sure?"

No. I wasn't sure. "Absolutely. Vinnie will just bond you out again as soon as you get there."

She didn't look convinced, but she opened the door and let us in anyway.

"Do I get to keep the chocolate?"

"No," said Lula, "What about your diet? You can't go eatin' a bunch of chocolate on a diet. Believe me, I know all about diets that work, and this isn't one of them."

"Really?" asked Carol.

"Yep. I lost a lotta weight on the no carb diet. I got to eat all the meat I wanted but no carbs."

"Wow. I should try that one next."

We stuffed all the left over chocolate bars into two plastic garbage bags and hauled them along with Carol out to Lula's Fire Bird. After dropping Carol off at the police station and getting my body receipt, Lula and I stopped off at MacDonald's for lunch.

"So how about we each get a bag?" said Lula, smushing her fries into her ketchup.

"Tempting, but no. I can hardly fit into my jeans as it is." Sadly enough, it was true. I could barely button the top snap anymore. I needed to stop eating crap. I needed to start running. Ha…yeah right.

"You could get Ranger to take you running again," said Lula, "I bet he'd just loooove that."

Ugh.

That night was dinner at my parent's house again. Except this time Valerie, Albert and the girls were there. To make a long story short, Val bawled all over Jamie, Jamie met for the first time Val's kids, Grandma spilled wine all over the table, Albert spilled spaghetti sauce all over himself, Jamie convinced Mary Alice that not only was she a horse, but she could change into different animals if she wanted to, and Morelli brought Bob who puked up underwear all over the living room.

Jamie, Morelli, and I were sitting on the front steps, waiting for the war zone inside to die down.

"Omigod I cannot believe I actually lived through that," I said, sipping my wine.

"Fuckin' A." said Morelli.

"Hey Jamie, how did you know Val got married?"

"'Cause I was there, duh. Do you think I'd miss my own sister's wedding? I was at yours too."

"I didn't see you there."

"No shit Sherlock, I was hiding. I didn't want anyone to see me. I wasn't ready to give up traveling and come home yet."

"Huh."

The next morning I woke up to a sudden heavy weight on my chest, an incredibly loud noise and a very cold sensation

"WAKE UP STEPHANIIEEEEEEEEEEE!" yelled Jamie, dumping a handful of ice on me.

I shreiked at the cold and tried to move away, but Jamie was sitting on me

"You dumped ICE ONE ME!" I shreiked again.

"Well be thankful it wasn't a bucket of icewater!"

"Arg Jamie go 'way, I'm tired. Wha' timzit?"

"It's only six, jeez. Ranger wanted to come at five but I convinced him to let you sleep 'til six."

Ranger? Here? At Morelli's house? I shoved Jamie and the iceoff of me and sat up, "Where's Joe?" I asked.

"Downstairs eating breakfast. I told him I was kidnapping you and making you run and he said it was a good idea. Ranger is out in the car," she added, reading my thoughts.

I got out of bed and pulled on a pair of shorts "Running? Why? I hate running."

Jamie stood back and grinned at me. She was in shorts and a track jacket and sprinting shoes. "That's not what Lula said. Lula said you wanted to fit better into your jeans."

Damn Lula. I stuffed myself into sweats and running shoes and followed Jamie down the stairs.

"Have fun," said Morelli, biting into a doughnut.

"Yeah right."

I climbed into the back of Ranger's Mercedes and buckled my seat belt. "So where are we going?" I asked.

Ranger glanced back at me, "There's a track nearby." He said, and pulled away from the curb as Jamie buckled herself in. Arg. I hate tracks. You just go around and around and around and around until you get sick and barf. Well maybe not get sick and barf…but it's really boring.

"What about Jack? Won't he be after us?"

Jamie laughed. "Jack is on his way to Indonesia. Since he hasn't heard from me he checked the airport and discovered I bought a one way ticket to Indonesia. It will take him maybe a week to figure out it was a joke and he'll be back. So now we have time to have some fun."

"Oh boy. Running. Fun"

Ranger pulled off Route 1 and drove a few miles to a huge park. I could see the track, and I could also see a trail around a big man- made lake. I followed Jamie and Ranger to the track where they started stretching. I just kinda stood there dreading this whole experience. Jamie and Ranger ended up making me run ten laps around the HUGE track. I staggered to a finish and collapsed on a bench.

Jamie shook her head in disgust. "That's really pathetic, Stephanie," she said, "Ranger made me run up sides of mountains, while at the same time dodging bullets. This isn't that bad." I just flipped her an Italian hand sign. Jamie and Ranger had lapped me a lot, and they weren't even breathing hard. I had stopped counting after ten.

"Muuuuh…." I groaned. My legs didn't work. And neither did my arms. I tried to shift into a more comfortable position, but ended up flopping onto my side…which wasn't that bad.

Jamie laughed at me and turned to Ranger. "I'll race you around the lake. Three laps. Ready, setty, GO!" she yelled, taking off.

I watched them sprint around the lake. They were going way too fast for normal human ability. I just got exhausted watching. Ranger was fast, but Jamie was smaller. She won by about an inch. At this point I had painfully moved to a bench closer to the lake. Jamie and Ranger were on the other side, and Jamie was doing a victory dance. She said something to Ranger, pointing her finger, and he scooped her up and tossed her into the lake in one fluid motion.

"ASS!" she yelled at him when she surfaced, "That was SO uncalled for!"

I was laughing pretty hard at this point. They were so….imature was the only word I could think of. Ranger was acting like he did when he first saw Jamie. This was the normal-ish guy Ranger. Not the Scary Mercenary Ranger. This was the Ranger Jamie knew.

Jamie slogged up to the bank and followed Ranger back to me.

"Stop flirting," I said, smiling. Ranger stared at me and his eyes darkened. Jamie noted this reaction and grinned.

"Well don't mind me, I'm off to air dry myself, see ya!" she said and took off.

Ranger leaned over me, placing his hands on the back of the bench beside each shoulder. Then he kissed me, and I swear I went unconscious for more than a second. When I came back to reality Ranger was sitting next to me, staring out at the lake, thinking mysterious thoughts.

We sat there in silence for a beat. Then I spoke, wondering if this was the right thing to say.

"Jamie really likes you," I said slowly. I was pretty sure he could decode that to mean "she is head over heels in love with you"

His eyes flicked over to me, "I know."

Well that was good. Because it would be kind of weird if he hadn't noticed. We sat in silence for a while and I was about to ask what the hell happened between them when Jamie came back bearing two huge ice cream cones. One was two scoops of chocolate, my favorite, and the other was a scoop of something yellow and a scoop of something blue. She was also carrying this puny little red popsicle. It was the kind of popsicle that wouldn't even help on a hotday. It was a dud popsicle.She dropped the dud popsicleon Ranger, sticking her tongue out at him.

"It doesn't really matter," I said, accepting my ice cream from Jamie, "he doesn't like to pollute his body with sugar, anyway."

Jamie grinned at Ranger, "Oh really? What about that chocolate mousse you destroyed in France? And the Chocolate Orange Guinness Cake in Ireland? And the—"

She was cut off by gunshots. _Pop pop pop._ We all threw ourselves to the ground, ice cream forgotten. We silently counted shots until we knew the clip was used up. It looked like Jack was back from his trip. Ranger got up with is gun drawn, intently staring at the parking lot. Jamie was still on the ground, hand over her arm. Her eyes were shut and her teeth were clenched, and I could see blood oozing out between her fingers.

"Fuck," she said weakly.


	10. Chapter 10

Since I haven't updated in a while, here is an extra long chapter!

Disclaimer: still don't own anything except Jamie...but if you'd like to discuss prices...

Chapter 9

The police and ambulances arrived, along with Joe Morelli's unmarked Crown Vic. Jamie was trundled off to the hospital with gunshot wound in her arm.

Morelli stood very close to me as Ranger and I answered police questions.

"I thought Jamie said she would take care of this." He said through clenched teeth.

"She did. But I guess it didn't work out the way she planned. Have you found him yet?"

"No. Every cop in the area is out for this guy."

"Yeesh."

All the cops were gone, and Ranger had driven off to save the world somehow, and Morelli and I were standing by his car.

"I'd really like it if you came home with me. I don't have anything else to do today so we could just stay home and mess around."

"Tempting, but no. I have to call my parents and I need to go over to the hospital."

"This Jack guy is psycho, Steph, aren't you scared?"

"Yeah but he's not going to get me at the hospital with my family all around me is he?"

Morelli sighed because he knew I would never give in to hiding. He gave me a ride to the hospital and on the way I called my parents.

"Hello?" My mother answered.

"Hey mom it's Stephanie…uh…Jamie got shot and I'm on the way to the hospital."

I heard a clunk. "Mom? Mom?"

"Who is this?" Grandma Mazur answered.

"It's Stephanie, Grandma. Where's mom? What happened?"

"Why do I have children who get shot? Mrs. Sjakack's daughters don't get shot. Why do mine? Why me?" I heard my mother in the back ground.

"Who got shot? Valerie got shot?" asked my Grandma

"NO! Jamie got shot. She's going to be okay though, she got shot in the arm."

"Were you going after felons?" Grandma wanted to know.

"No. We were out running." I said.

"Running? Why? You hate to run. Oh I bet it was because you want to fit into something tight for that cop. Or is it for the bounty hunter with the nice package?"

I sighed and disconnected.

Morelli dropped me off at the hospital. He would have come in, but his pager beeped right as he pulled up to the front door.

"Are you still staying at my house?" he asked hopefully.

"Yeah."

He French kissed me goodbye and drove off to make the world a safer place.

I went in through the front doors and asked the nurse at the desk where Jamie was. The nurse said she was still in surgery but would be out soon. So I sat in the waiting room, flipping through million-year-old magazines. Honestly, can't the hospital people take the time to change the stupid magazines? I don't want to read about the Moon Landing. What's done is done. Let's moooooove on.

My parents arrived twenty minutes later and joined me in the waiting room. Finally we were able to see Jamie so the nurse led us into her room.

Jamie was lying in her little bed covered in a blanket. Her arm was bandaged and in a sling. She was asleep, so were only allowed to stay for a few minutes.

"When can she be discharged?" I asked the nurse.

"We'd like to keep her overnight but she can probably go home tomorrow sometime." (A/N I have no idea how long you have to stay for a gunshot wound such as this….but humor me, ok?)

I sighed with relief. We all stayed for a while, waiting for Jamie to wake up, but nothing happened. I had to shower and get to work, so I told my mother I'd pick Jamie up tomorrow and then I left.

I went to Joe's house and cautiously when inside. Jack could be waiting for me, I thought. I crept inside, doing the whole James Bond going through rooms banging open doors routine and didn't find anything. Hallelujah Jack wasn't the leaving-the-dead-guy-on-the-couch type of person or the threatening note type of person or the pretty-but-deadly-flowers type of person. But then again, he probably didn't even know I was living with Joe. I dropped a couple of grapes and peanuts into Rex's cage before stripping and hopping into the shower. After my shower I dressed in my usual uniform of white stretchy tee shirt, flannel shirt, jeans and boots. I had a quite healthy lunch of peanut butter and marshmallow fluff on worthless white bread. I downed it with a beer, grabbed myjacket and shoulder bag, and closed door behind me. I would've taken my gun but it god torched in the fire.

It was two o'clock when I got to the office. Connie and Lula were inside, arguing over who was hotter, Ranger or Tank.

"Ranger is sooooo freaking hot," said Connie, "Omigod! Whenever he's around I have a hot flash!"

"Yeah, sure, he's hot, but that Tank. Man, there's a man I'd like tie to my bed." Said Lula, fanning herself. Oh boy. That was going to leave me with wonderful images.

"Ranger is SO much hotter than Tank." Said Connie.

"NO WAY! Tank is bigger, in more ways than one."

"And how do you know that?" asked Connie, raising an eyebrow.

"Big hands, big feet, big…"

"Ranger's hands are so much bigger than Tank's."

"Nu-unh."

"Yuh-huh."

"Nu-uhn"

"YEAH HUNH!"

"NU UNH!"

Ranger had come in but Connie and Lula didn't notice. I put my finger to my lips to signify SHUSH!

"RANGER IS SO MUCH HOTTER THAN TANK!" yelled Connie.

Ranger grinned all 200 watts and raised his eyebrows at me. I tried to suppress a giggle, but one escaped anyway. Connie and Lula looked at us and froze. Connie turned about twelve shades of red, and I could also see Lula blushing.

Connie recovered first and narrowed her eyes at Ranger, "hey was I fighting for _you._"

Ranger held up his hands in an I-give-up gesture. "I was just here to get a check for a body receipt talk to Stephanie," he said, handing Connie the receipt. Connie wrote out a check and handed it back to Ranger. She also handed some files over to me.

"Don't tell Tank." Said Lula as I followed Ranger outside.

"Well?" Ranger said to me, leaning against his Porsche, "Who do _you_ think is hotter, me or Tank?"

Damn. That was a tough one. I stared hard into space for a minute and finally came to a conclusion. "You. Hands down. No contest."

Ranger did the half smile. "How is Jamie doing?" he asked.

"She's asleep right now. Tomorrow I can bring her home."

Ranger nodded and angled into his car. I watched him drive away down the road to god knows where.

Lula poked her head out of the office, "Is it safe to come out now?"

Lula and I were riding in her Fire Bird through the burg, looking for Dale Simon. He was arrested for sexual assault and Lula and I were pumped up to kick his ass. Well not really…just to drag his ass to jail. Simon lived in a duplex just a couple blocks from my parent's house. He lived next to one of Granda Mazur's friends, Tanya Greenburg. Tanya was out tending to her flower bed when Lula and I drove up. She looked up and smiled.

"I bet you two are coming to get Dale, aren't you? Well I'm glad. That man is a menace to society."

Oh boy. "Is he here?" I asked.

"Yep. You go right on in, missie. He keeps his door unlocked."

Lula beat me to the door. She pushed it open and clomped inside on her Via Spigas. "Oy Dale Simon! We're here to drag your sorry little ass to jail!"

Simon was slouched on his couch, beer in hand. He was 6 feet tall, 230 pounds. I don't know exactly _why_ I chose this guy to apprehend. I suppose it was the 60,000 dollars I would get ten percent of if I brought him in.

"What the fuck?" he said, looking up at us.

"You missed your court date, Mr. Simon. We need to take you down to the station to get you rescheduled." I said, stepping inside.

Simon got up and towered over me. I took a step back, only because of his scent. Defiantly _not_ Bulgari.

"I don't think so," he said, advancing on me. I was about to whip out my pepper spray but Simon gave a squeak and collapsed like a sack of rocks. I looked over at Lula, who grinned. "Fastest stun gun in the east," she said.

I cuffed and shackled Simon, who started to wake up as Lula and I were dragging him outside, so Lula gave him another jolt.

"Want to see him wet his pants?" she asked me.

"NO!"

It took us a while to get him to the car, and then we were faced with another problem. Actually getting him _into_ the car. Lula helped me hoist his legs up into the backseat, then she went around to the other side.

"Okay. On the count of three, you pull, and I push." I said.

"Got it." Said Lula.

"One, two, three," I said and pushed hard. Lula pulled his ankles and eventually we got him inside. His legs were bent and his feet were propped up against the window.

"Ugh," I said. I needed another shower. I was drenched with sweat. Simon had drooled all over my arm, and the scent coming from him was almost palpable.

After dropping Simon off at the police station and retrieving my body receipt, we drove back to the office where I got my Mini and drove to Morelli's house. I took another shower, ate another sandwich, and went to bed.

I woke up around eight. Pizza smells drifted up from downstairs so I staggered groggily down the stairs, following my nose to a Pino's pizza. Morelli was slouched on the couch, Bob at his side, with a half eaten pizza on the coffee table, baseball game on the television.

"Rough day?" he asked, not looking up. He sounded kind of pissed.

I told him about Simon and took a slice of pizza.

"We found Jack Summer," he said after laughing at me.

"Really? What happened?" I asked.

"He got away, that's what. I don't even know how it happened. But he got away. And now we can't find him."

"Damn," No wonder he was mad.

"Fuckin' A."

The next morning I got up at eight, showered, ate left over pizza, and drove to the hospital to get Jamie. I found Ranger in her room.

"Yo," I said to Ranger.

"Yo yourself," he said back.

Jamie was obviously drugged because she was giggling like a mad person.

I walked in and stood by her bed, next to Ranger. "What's so funny?"

"I was just thinking about the time I duct-taped Tank to a chair and gave him a makeover," she said, giggling.

Ranger shook his head, "You've got it all wrong, Jamie, that was Lester, remember?"

Jamie's eyebrows furrowed and I could hear the gears turning in her head. "Oh right."

I looked at Ranger. "What?" Jeez. Does this girl have a death wish, or what?

"We were in San Francisco. Jamie and Lester agreed to stay at the hotel. When Tank and I came back we found Lester duct-taped to a chair, Jamie sitting on his lap putting on lipstick."

It took me a while to recover from laughing.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

"I have a picture of that," said Jamie, sitting up.

"I want to see it," I said. Jamie grabbed her clothes from the bedside table and started to shuffle across the room.

"So are you coming home with me or are you still staying with Ranger?" I asked.

"She's staying with me." Said Ranger. End of discussion.

"Whatever floats yer boat," said Jamie, disappearing into the bathroom.

She came out fully clothed in slightly baggy jeans, same boots and jacket, and same bandana. "Hey ya know? We should become pirates. I'd be pretty good at it."

Aaah what pain killers do to a person. "Uh…maybe next time we're at the shore." I said.

Jamie nodded and looked over at Ranger. "You could be captain," she said, "we could give you a cool nickname like…Mercenary-Beard or something."

"I'll think about it," said Ranger with a smile.

It was nine when we reached Rangeman. I had followed behind in my Mini, and was now pulling into a parking space besideRanger's Mercedes.

"I figure I'll lay low for a couple of days," said Jamie, "Jack knows the police are after him so he'll be more careful. When my arm heals I'll hit the road." The pain killers were wearing off; her eyes were now in focus. I really didn't want her to leave. I wanted Jack to get arrested and put away forever.

"You're going to leave? You just got here," I said.

"I don't want to keep endangering you, and besides, I haven't been to Egypt yet. I mean come on, I've got to see Egypt."

I followed Jamie up to her apartment. Someone had called Ranger and he left in a hurry. She flopped down on her couch with a sigh and pulled the big box of letters toward her, trying to lift it onto the couch. I noticed she was having a little trouble with one arm, so I lent her a hand. I peered inside the box. Along with tons of polariods, envelopes, letters, and the cocoanut, there was also a small teddy bear, half an arrow, a bottle of some Asian wine, and a mini Jamaican flag on a stick. Jamie was digging one-handed through the box. She pulled out a stack of Polaroid's and started shuffling through them.

"What are you looking for?" I asked her.

"The picture of Lester," she said. "Ah. Here is it." She handed me the picture. It was of Lester, duct taped to a fancy chair, shooting daggers at the camera. I could see Tank and Ranger in the background and they looked like they were laughing their heads off. Jamie hadn't held back on Lester's makeover. He had on lipstick, eyeshadow, blush, eyeliner, mascara, the whole works. How Jamie got him on the chair was a mystery. There was a white strip at the bottom of the picture to write captions on. Jamie had written _I'm just a sweet Transvestite from Tansexual Traselvania! _I laughed at that.

"What was the teddy bear for?" I asked. It was small, white and fuzzy with a big red heart on the stomach.

"I won it in one of those fifty cent claw machines," said Jamie, taking the bear out of the box, "And anyway it was valentines day so Igave it to Ranger." She smiled, remembering.

"What's the arrow?" I said, holding it in my hand. It was just a wooden stick with a metal arrow head attached. It looked like it had been snapped in half.

Jamie looked at the half arrow in my hand and frowned. "I forget. Probably we were just playing 'William Tell' or something."

I looked up at Jamie and found her going through pictures, a faraway look on her face. Taking a walk down memory lane. I grabbed a stack from the box and flipped through them. Mostly they were pictures of jungles or waterfalls or beaches. There was one of Ranger, Tank, Cal, and Woody laying side by side on a beach all wearing bathing suits. The caption Jamie wrote on the white strip on the bottom read _drool._ The next one was of Ranger, eyes narrowed,hands on hips, except that his hair was curly. REALLY curly. As curly as mine but not as frizzy. The caption read _it's Shirly Temple gone ARMY! _I looked over at Jamie.

"How much did you have to pay him to curl his hair?" I asked.

"Eh I forget. It was probably a lot." She said.

I laughed and went to the next picture. There was a picture that Jamie took from a boat, looking at Ranger in the water below. Ranger was looking up at the camera. If looks could kill…. The caption said _ooh did I just see a shark fin...?_

"I guess this was when you shoved Ranger off the boat," I said, cutting into Jamie's secret thoughts.

She looked up, "Oh yeah. That was fun."

The next picture was of Jamie, clearly asleep, tied to a buoy. "I can't believe he tied you to a buoy," I said, shaking my head. There was a caption, hand written by Ranger. _You need to be more aware of your surroundings, kiddo_

"He taped that picture to my head," said Jamie, "It was fun. And it's not like he would've let me die of starvation or anything. He left me a bag full of water bottles and granola bars."

"You were on it for eight days, right?"

"Yup."

I looked back down at the next Polaroid and froze. It was of Ranger and Jamie; somebody else had taken the picture. And they were kissing. Not friendly kissing. This was like…Omgiod I want to make sweet love to you kind of kissing. His arms were wrapped tightly around her waste and her's around his neck. The captionwas in somebody else's handwriting. Not Ranger's or Jamie's._Cripes get a room will ya?_Wow. This is new. My eyebrows were threatening to disappear into my hairline.

"Um….Jamie?" I asked.

She looked up at me and noticed the picture I was looking at. "Yeah?"

I was speechless. So I just looked at her, jaw dropped, eyebrows raised.

She burst out laughing. She laughed so hard she fell off the couch.

"Well?" I said to her once she stopped laughing, my voice about eight octaves higher, "care to explain?"

"There's not much to explain, sis. Ranger, Tank,and I were up in this jungle somewhere and our native guide was so fascinated with my camera I let him take a picture. So he was just going to take one of me but then Ranger just grabbed me. That's it."

No way was she getting away this time. She was going to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. "Uhn-uhn, Jamie, that's not going to work. You have to tell me everything. And this time you're not getting away. So unplug the phone."

Jamie looked up at me from the floor. Her face fell and she looked pretty sad. She sighed heavily and slouched back down on the couch. She put her head back and closed her eyes.

"Well?" I asked.

Grunt.

"Fine. I'll ask the questions, you explain. Capeesh?" (A/N...sorry I don't know how to spell that...)

Another grunt. I guess she agreed. "Have you slept with him?"

The corners of her mouth twitched up. "Yeah. A few times. He was my first."

"OMIGOD!" Holy crap. Holy shit. Holy tomato sauce.

"I know. Pretty scary, huh?"

"When, where, why, how!"

"Uh…a year ago…in Italy…I don't know, it just happened….and I'm assuming you've had sex Ed, right? I mean, I don't really want to explain all that."

I rolled my eyes. "Har har. So tell me ALL the details."

Jamie sighed. "We werewere renting ahouse in Romeand I had just got out of the shower…so I came out of the bathroom with only a towel on to get some clothes out of my bag and Ranger was sitting at the table on his laptop. So I was on my way back to the bathroom and he followed me in and you know the rest."

"You did it in the bathroom?"

"No, god, jeez, what kind of girl do you think I am?"

"Wow."

"Yeah."

I thought for a minute. "You were TWENTY! You waited THAT long!" Jesus that makes me sound like a slut or something.

"I was in too much danger most of the time to think about it," Said Jamie.

"Jeez."

"No freaking kidding."

"So. What happened after that?"

Jamie opened her eyes and looked straight ahead. Again there was a look of longing on her face. You'd think time spent with Ranger would teach her to do the blank-face thing.

"We had a fling for awhile…but then he just disappeared. Like I didn't see him for months. Then finally we ran into each other in some bar someplace and he told me about being your mentor. Every time you did something stupid like blowing up a car he'd tell me about it and I knew by the way he talked about you that I didn't really stand a chance." She looked really sad. REALY sad. And it was scaring me.

"Jamie…" I began, but I truly didn't know what to say.

She flashed me a half hearted grin. "It's no big deal. When he first mentioned you I knew he had fallen for you so it's not like I tried to remind him of what we had before he disappeared. I knew it useless. So I just accepted it and moved on. You have that effect on men, sis. And besides, it's better to have him as a friend than not know him at all."

Damn. Poor Jamie. God, what does she think when she sees Ranger looking at me or kissing me? It must be hard. Though if it is, she hides it very well. I have that effect on men? To make them forget of any other relationship in the past? Yeah, right. What about Morelli and Terri Gilman. Ugh. All those late nights working on cases.

I didn't know what to say. I just stared at her for a beat. She shrugged and murmured that it really wasn't a big deal and went back to looking at the pictures in her hand.

We were both silent for awhile. Jamie's cell phone chirped—the theme song to Jaws.

"Yeeeeeesshh?" she answered. "Yeah, yeah, I know I'm late just give me minute, Penelope." She snickered and hung up the phone. The afore melancholy mood was apparentlylifted.

"That was Tank," she said, standing up, "I'm late for my security room duty."

She walked into her bedroom and came out wearing black sweat pants. "You likey?" she asked, turning around, displaying _Rangeman_ embroidered in cursivy white on her rear end. "I did it myself. I thought Ranger's uniforms were kinda boring."

I grinned. "Those are the shit." I said.

I followed Jamie up to the control room. Lester, Bobby,and Woodywere on control duty. Ranger was there too, talking to Tank. Jamie walked in and swatted Ranger on the ass before taking her seat next to Hal. Tank threw her a glare. Probably becuase she called him 'Penelope'.

eh...I didn't really like this chapter...I didn't really put my heart into it...


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Jamie is mine. As for the rest of them...I wish.

Connie:…Sorry about that…Just don't think about it that way. I know the time is all screwy but I ignore it.

**Twelve**

Ranger finished his conversation with Tank and ambled over to me. He was wearing his usual uniform of painted on black tee shirt and SWAT cargos tucked into big black combat boots. I swear, this man needs some pastels.

"What are you doing the rest of the day?" he asked.

"I need to go to the office and see if there are any skips and then I don't know what." I said.

I arrived at the office at ten thirty. Lula was already there, rare for a Saturday. Connie was at her desk, shuffling papers. There was a Dunkin Donuts box on her desk and there were six and half donuts left.

"Slow day?" I asked, helping myself to a Boston Crème.

"It's too early to be a slow day," said Lula from the couch, "It's practically the middle of the night." She looked pretty beat, and maybe even hung over. I noticed that her clothes weren't as wacko today. She was wearing tight slightly sparkly blue pants and a pink top and big yellow boots.

"Lula had a late night last night," said Connie, handing me a couple of files, "she had a hot date."

I grinned at Lula, "Oh yeah? With who?"

"He was a jackass. It was just a slam bam thank ya ma'am. He just got some and left. Can you believe it? Men suck."

Ouch.

"You want to ride shotgun? You can take your anger out on these skips."

"Really? You'd let me do that?"

"No. But you can pretend."

Ronald Anders was first up. Arrested for domestic violence. Two priors. A DUI charge and another domestic violence charge. Thirty-eight years old, six feet tall, 280 pounds. He had a big fat pot belly and a week-old beard.

Lula and I were standing on Anders's front porch, holding our noses. The house reeked of alcohol and something worse. I rapped on his door, and the door swung open.

The one story house was small and filthy. The wall to wall carpet was littered with stains and broken bottles. There was a cracked television and a rumpled couch that was covered with a ratty sheet. The kitchen was in the back of the room, the linoleum floor slick with garbage. A door was on one side of the room, probably a bedroom. There were noises coming from behind the door. Moans and squeals.

Lula wrinkled her nose, "Whoever that woman is she must need it bad to do it with this guy."

"Maybe we should come back later…when they're done." I said, backing out of the house.

Lula followed me out and we drove away in her Firebird head banging to Metallica.

"So what now?" Lula asked.

I dug through my bag and came up with another file. I opened it and froze. It was my best friend in the whole wide world, Mary Lou Molnar. She was charged for breaking into a grocery store and robbing it of diapers. It said that at three o'clock Wednesday morning, she drove to a Safeway, broke the glass doors with a rock, and proceeded to take two jumbo packages of Pampers. She was caught on surveillance cameras and was allowed to keep the diapers.

Lula and I cut into the Burg and wound our way around to Mary Lou's house.

"I've been waiting for you," said Mary Lou when she answered the door, "The only reason I skipped was because Lenny wasn't home and the kids were having a conflicting opinion." More like the kids were trying to kill each other.

"Well I need to take you to the police station to get rebonded," I said, "is there someone who could stay with the kids while you're gone?"

We got the Mary Lou's neighbor to babysit and trundled off to the pokey.

After getting Mary Lou rebonded, I dropped Lula at the office, got my 50 dollar check from Connie, and Mary Lou at home. And since I was in the Burg already, I stopped for lunch at my mother's house.

My mother was stirring soup when I sauntered into the kitchen. Grandma Mazur was at the kitchen table, looking over the obituaries.

"Find any dead bodies today?" Grandma asked when I sat down.

As a matter of fact, I hadn't found any dead bodies since the Stiva incident, which was a couple of months ago. My cop friend Eddie Gazarra said things were getting so boring lately that they'd actually thought of planting a dead body where I'd find it just to see me freak out.

"Nope," I said.

"Dang. Well, if you're having Dead-Body-Withdrawl, maybe you could take me to Stiva's tonight." After Constantine Stiva was taken care of, the funeral home went to his cousin Augustine Armolov. He changed the name to Augustine's House of Rest but people still call it Stiva's.

" Marty Balog is laid out. He was part of the Knights of Columbus. That means they'll be a lot of studmuffins there."

Oh boy. My grandmother was after a studmuffin again. The last time she brought home a studmuffin he turned out to be an escaped senior from a retirement home for people with special abilities…like throwing lightning.

I had nothing else to do tonight, so I gave in.

"Good. Pick me up here at seven thirty and we can hit the road."

I was on my way back to the office when my cell phone chirped.

"You've GOT to help me," said Jamie.

"What's up?" I asked.

"There are no donuts here and I REALLY need a donut."

"Okay fine I'll bring you some donuts."

"Hal wants a meatball sub."

"Fine."

"Lester wants a BLT."

"Anything else?"

"You have a pen?"

I took everybody's orders and brought the food to Rangeman. Jamie pounced on me and grabbed her dozen donuts. Everybody crowded around me to claim their food. I followed Jamie back to her seat. "I'm taking Grandma to Stiva's tonight, do you want to come?"

"I thought you burned that place down." Jamie said, biting into a donut.

I swear that's the only thing I'm known for anymore. "Well yeah but they rebuilt it so do you want to come?"

"Might as well. What time?"

"I'll come and get you at seven."

I stopped by the office to see if Lula wanted to try to get Ronald Anders again.

"Yeah and this time I'm gonna pop a cap up his ass." She said.

We took Lula's Firebird because she still claimed she couldn't fit into my Midget Car. We were turning onto Anders's street when suddenly there were a bunch of gunshots. I ducked down and my window shattered. Lula shrieked and swerved up onto the sidewalk. The gunshots died down but we stayed in the car.

"Now what?" I said aloud.

"I dunno but this seems like a sign that Ronald Anders shouldn't go to jail today."

On the way back to the office I called Morelli.

"Someone shot at me." I said.

Big sigh. "Where are you?"

"Well now I'm on my way back to the office but we were turning onto Cherry Street when the gunshots started."

"We?"

"Me and Lula." Who did he think?

"I justswollowed a bottle of Malox." Said Morelli.

"Do you want to come to Stiva's with me and Grandma and Jamie tonight?" I asked him, trying to change the subject.

He waited a beat before answering. "Pass."

"Good choice."

I pulled up to Rangeman at seven o'clock. The gate opened and I drove down into the garage and was just pulling into a spot when Jamie burst out of the stairway door. She was running full speed towards my car, with Tank in hot pursuit. She wrenched the door open, sat inside and slammed the door shut behind her. "GO!" she yelled.

I put the petal to the floor, turned the car around and up the ramp to the street.

"Jeez what was that?" I said, stopping for a light.

Jamie laughed, "Ah…I was just having a little fun and Tank has no sense of humor."

"What'd you do?"

"I just dumped a bottle of hot sauce into his coffee, that's all. You'd think I blew up his car or something what with the way he reacted."

"You're going to get killed one day."

"Better to die laughing than to die by murder," she said.

"So what other secrets do you know about the Merry Men?" I asked.

"Hm…Lester likes the Spice Girls."

"The Spice Girls are the shit."

"No kidding."

"What else?"

"hm…Ranger's favorite Care Bears are Grumpy Bear and Sunshine Bear."

"Ranger watches Care Bears?"

"His daughter made him watch the movie every time he came to visit."

Right as we pulled up to my parent's house my cell phone chirped.

"Babe I need your help," said Ranger.


	13. Chapter 13

Sorry it's kinda short...I need to figure out what to do next. Thanks for all your reviews! XD

Thirteen

"What's wrong?" I asked. It was rare for Ranger to need my help. Unless he was picking out shoes or something I doubt I'd be useful for anything

"I have a skip who isn't being cooperative," he said.

Grandma came out of the house and tottered to the car on four inch heels.

"You shouldn't be wearing those," said Jamie, helping her into the car.

"I gotta look my best for the K of C," said Grandma.

"I'm just on my way to Stiva's with Grandma and Jamie," I said to Ranger, "I can drop them off and come help you. Where are you?"

Ranger gave me the address and disconnected. It was a house a few miles out of the Burg, in Hamilton Township. I dropped Jamie and Grandma off at the funeral parlor, told them I'd be back, and drove off wondering why the hell Batman could possibly need, or even want for that matter, my help.

I parked a block awayfrom the house Ranger told me to meet him at. I could see a new black SUV parked in front of the two story blue townhouse. Ranger and Tank were leaning back against the SUV, arms crossed, bodies relaxed. They were both in full combat mode. Flak vests, gun belts with two guns each, defense spray, tear gas, cuffs, and shackles.

"What's up?" I asked, looking towards the blue house.

Ranger and Tank looked like they were trying hard not to laugh. "We're trying to get Darryl Jeen out of his house," said Ranger.

"So why don't you break down the door?"

"He's armed with a gun and armor piercing bullets," said Tank.

What were they getting at? "So…what am I here for?" I asked.

Ranger grinned all 200 watts. "He said he'll come out hands up only if you're here."

My jaw dropped.

Tank was grinning too, "You seem to have an admirer, Steph," he said.

I looked at the house again. The front curtains were drawn, and a face peeked out from behind them.

"So what am I suppose to do now?" I asked.

"Just go over there and convince him to come out," said Ranger.

Still dazed, I walked up the path to the door and up the cement steps. Garden gnomes guarded either side of the door. I rapped once and waited. The door opened, and I stared at Darryl Jeen. Jeen looked in his late 30s. He had thinning blond hair, abutton nose, thick glasses and looked like a big piece of fluff. Hard to imagine he'd threaten anyone with a stick, much less a gun.

He smiled when he saw me. A smile like the sun coming out. "Ah Stephanie Plum. So nice to see you."

"uh...Hi," I said.

He looked beyond me to the two armed mercenaries across the street and sighed, "I suppose I have to come out now," he said sadly

"Uh…I guess."

Jeen followed me like a faithful dog does a doggy treatall the way back to the SUV. Ranger cuffed and shackled him and loaded him into the car. Jeen said what a pleasure it was to meet me finally and behold my magnificent beautybefore Tank drove him off to the clink.

I looked up at Ranger, "What the hell just happened?" I asked.

He did the half smile. "You never disappoint," he said and drove off in his own new black Porsche.

I parked a half block away from the funeral parlor and found Grandma in Resting room one, admiring Marty Balog's tie.

"Look at that tie," she said, shaking her head, "So nice and crisp. Not even Elda could get his ties that nicely ironed. I bet she's looking for Augustine right now, asking him out to iron a tie that well." Constantine Stiva had been a legend in the funeral home community. Looks like he'd been replaced.

I looked around for Jamie but couldn't see her. "Where's Jamie?" I asked.

Grandma looked up at me and frowned. "Now that you mention it, I haven't seen her since you dropped us off. She said she was going to the ladies room and I haven't seen her since."

Hmmm…

By nine I was ready to leave. I hadn't seen Jamie all night and I was getting worried. Sitting in the lobby wasn't doing much for me, so I found Grandma trying to pry the lid up on a closed casket and dragged her outside.

"Have you seen Jamie?" I asked, knowing what the answer would be.

"Nope. Maybe she went back with that Ranger guy."

That was a possibility. But I was pretty sure she'd tell one of us if she was leaving.I called Ranger just in case.

"Is Jamie with you?" I asked when he answered.

"I thought you took her to the funeral parlor."

"Well she's not here." I said.

"Give her'til morning. She probably saw a butterfly and went chasing it."

The next morning I dragged myself out of Morelli's bed and into the shower. Morelli had already gone to work and had left me two Boston Crèmes on the kitchen counter. I sat down at the table with my donuts and the portable phone and called Jamie's cell phone.No answer. I called Ranger's home phone.

"Yo," Ranger answered.

"Is Jamie there?"

"No."

"Do you know where she is?"

"No."

"Did she come back at all last night?"

"No." The master of the one syllable answer.

"Well….do you have any idea where she might be?"

"Is she answering her cell phone?" Ranger asked.

"No. I tried that first."

Ranger was silent for a beat. "One time I called her cell phone and she was in the middle of a shoot out with three guys and still answered it." He said finally.

"So?"

"So her not answering her cell phone is bad." Said Ranger.

"You think Jack kidnapped her last night?"

"Could be. I'll get back to you," he said and disconnected.

Shit. Shit shit and double shit. Did I mention Shit?

It's gonna be one of those days.


	14. Chapter 14

Ah...still don't own anything 'cept for Jamie

**Fourteen**

I sighed and got up to put the phone back on the receiver. I noticed the little red light was beeping so I checked Morelli's messages for him. There was only one. From Jamie.

"Ah…listen I might be gone for a wh—shit." Then a disconnect.

I stood, rooted to the spot. Crap. Gone for a while? What was a while? Forever?

I picked up the phone and called Ranger again.

"Jamie left me a message saying she's going to be gone for a while." I said when he answered.

"I got a message, too."

"What do we do now?" I asked.

"We wait. She'll show up sooner or later." Ranger said and disconnected.

Shit. I can't wait. Waiting is bad. Waiting meant thinking. And I didn't really want to think right now.

I had nothing better to do, so I drove over to the office.

"Where's Jamie?" asked Lula when I swung through the door.

"I think she's been kidnapped." I said.

"Bummer."

It struck me suddenly that I wasn't as worried as I thought I'd be. Jamie had survived this long with Jack Summer trying to kill her so I hadn't a doubt in my mind that she would live through this episode. She had said herself that even if he does get a hold of her, he can't hold on for long. It was like worrying about Ranger. He was smart and knew what he was doing. I suspected that was the same case with Jamie.

"Any new skips come in?" I asked Connie.

Connie looked up from filing her nails. "Nope."

"Damn."

Now what? I asked myself. Jamie is missing, Joe is at work, Lula is filing, Mary Lou is doing God knows what. I had nothing to do.

Lula suddenly stopped filing and looked beyond me. Ranger must be here.

He came up behind me, hand on my neck, his body skimming my own. "We need to talk," he said quietly.

I followed him outside. "Any news?" I asked anxiously.

Ranger leaned back against his Mercedes, arms crossed, and shook head. "We had a tracking device on Jamie's cell phone, but it seems to be malfunctioning."

Damn.

Ranger watched me for a beat and then pushed off his car. "You shouldn't worry," he said, drawing me close, "She's been through worse than this."

I looked up at him. "Like what?"

He considered me for a moment. "If she hasn't told you than it's not my place to say," he said. He let go of my jacket and took a step back. "I have to do surveillance on an apartment building on Sloan. Want to come along?"

Well there goes my day. I nodded and joined Ranger in his car, wondering what the 'worse' things were that Jamie had been through.

We parked in front of Sloan and Ranger slid into his relaxed-but-aware-panther state.

A half hour went by and I couldn't wait anymore. I meant to suppress it, but it just popped out. "Did you love her?" I asked Ranger.

Ranger's eyes flicked my way but he remained silent. After a few minutes he answered, and if I hadn't been expecting it, I wouldn't have heard it.

"Yes."

"But not anymore?" I asked.

"Not in the way you're thinking of."

"Like how then?" I really needed to straighten these things out.

Ranger turned his head and looked at me for a full minute before answering. "She's like a little sister now," he said quietly. He turned back toward the window and I knew this discussion was over.

Ranger's pager beeped. He checked the readout and turned back toward the window. I guess it wasn't a _now!_ call. His cell phone rang a minute later. He picked it up, checked the LCD, and decided against answering.

My cell phone chirped a minute later. I didn't recognize the number, but I answered anyway.

"Why isn't Ranger answering his goddamn phone?" Jamie asked.

"Jamie, where are you?" I asked.

"I tried his pager, his home phone, and his cell phone! It was hard enough 'cause I had to punch the stupid numbers with my tongue. The least he could do is answer. Are you with him?" This was coming from someone who had just gotten kidnapped.

My curiosity got the better of me. "Why did you have to dial with your tongue?"

"'Cause my hands are tied behind my back, dumdum. Give the phone to Ranger, will ya?"

I handed the phone over to Ranger. He smiled and answered. "Where are you?" he asked. I sighed deep with relief. She's okay, I told myself.

Even from where I was sitting I could hear the gunshots over the phone. Ranger's face went blank and he dropped the phone without disconnecting, gripped the wheel with a vengeance, and pressed the pedal to the floor. The Mercedes jumped from the curb and lurched forward. Ranger pulled a U-turn and headed for the Burg. I was stunned. I had always seen him cool, calm, and collected in a crisis. The mask that had come over his face was slowly fading, slowly and subtly being replaced with a look of terrified worry.

"White house with red trim on Cherry Street," he said, voice tight.

I knew that house. It was a duplex. My grandmother's friend Ellis Wells lived there and rented the other side out. It took us about three minutes to get onto Cherry Street. Ranger was driving too fast for me to notice the color of the houses, but he seemed to be able to see them just find. Suddenly he screeched to a stop, and I was pitched forward, catching on the seatbelt. Ranger was out of the car in a flash, not bother to close the door or take the keys out of the ignition. I was pretty sure he'd forgotten I was there.

I watched him put his foot to the door, gun drawn. Then he disappeared into the house. Sirens wailed in the distance. I didn't want to wait. I jumped out of the car and crept cautiously toward the house. I peered inside and saw Ranger bent over the couch. He had taken his shirt off and was holding it as a compress tightly against Jamie's shoulder. She was unconscious, arms tied behind her back, lying on the couch. There was a phone on the table next to the couch, and the handset was lying on the table beside the base.

Her side was bleeding as well, so I took off my own flannel shirt and handed it silently to Ranger. He looked at me like he forgot I was there, took the shirt and pressed it against her side.

"Is she—" I started to ask, but Ranger cut me off.

"Alive," he said tightly, "But barely."

None of us spoke again until the police and ambulances arrived. Ranger's face was once again blank, but I could see some emotion in his eyes, and it was scaring the hell out of me.

don't worry, she doesn't die.


	15. Inside Jamie's Head

HP4ever2000: sorry about the short chapters…I haven't had many brilliant ideas lately so I just write down whatever I have…as for the info bit, don't worry. More will come.

Mila: Jamie is my alter ego. Ergo, this chapter will be written in my own style. Enjoy ;-)

_**Fifteen**_

Jamie's POV

I woke up lying down. There was something sticking in my arm, which I assumed was an IV. There was also something on my face, which I assumed was an oxygen mask. I put two and two together, and deduced that I was, in fact, yet again, put in a hospital by my dear friend Jacky-Poo. Well wasn't that a bitch?

I opened one eye and looked at Ranger. "Am I dead?"

He smiled, "No."

"Are you sure? I feel pretty dead."

The smile widened.

I closed my eye. "Well fine Mr. Chatty-Kathy. Let's see how you like it when I start seeing the light." I opened my eye again and looked over at Ranger. He was shaking his head and still smiling.

"Don't laugh at me…_Ricky_," The last time I called him that he 'accidentally' knocked me down two flights of stairs…and then made me ride in the truck bed of his truck the whole night we were driving...In the SNOW.The only reason I was calling him Ricky now was because he couldn't just jump up and rip out the IV in pure rage and then go on a killing spree. Well I suppose he could but he would have to answer to my family. Personally, I'd rather be thrown into a tank of rabid badgers.

"Rabid badgers?" Ranger asked.

Dammit I was saying stuff out loud again. "Yeah. Like, foaming at the mouth. Think it through before you shut the morphine off, buddy." I said and passed out.

I forced myself awake and found myself hopelessly lost in a pain-killer-induced fog. There was something I needed to set straight, and my dreams of tap dancing rabid pink badgers would have to wait.

"You love Steph right?No, you're_in_ love with her, right?" I asked Ranger. My eyes were closed (it's not like I could see through the goddamm fog anyway) but I knew he was there. He was always there. Whether I liked it or not.

There was no answer. "Don't lie, you coward," I said.

Still no answer. That meant yes. If it hadn't been true he would have said so."I told you so." I suppose I should be depressed an' all, but I could get to that later. I smiled to myself and floated off to la-la land.

"Is she awake?"

"Does she look awake?"

"How long are we allowed in here?"

"Mommy I want some hay."

"Shush, Mary Alice. Jamie is asleep."

"Trying, yes. Sleeping? I think not," I croaked. I didn't dare open my eyes. Once they were open there was no going back. Where was a tank of rabid badgers when you needed one?

"Jamie how are you feeling?" That was my mother.

"Hunky dory. How about some water over here?"

I opened one eye and accepted a little paper cup of water. Fortunately (relatively) Jack shot me in the right shoulder. I still had use of my left arm. While drinking I took stock of the situation. Stephanie, Valerie, Albert Kloungh, The Kids, Grandma Mazur, ma mere, et mon pere were piled into my tiny little room.

"Hey…I had a dream…and you all were in it." I said. (A/N if you don't know why that's funny…it's a spoof on the ending of the Wizard of Oz)

"Har har," said Stephanie.

"When do I get to come home?"

"Not for a week," said my mom.

"Aw come on, I've had worse than this without a visit to the hospital! Can't they let me out tonight?"

Grandma piped up, "We could smuggle you out."

"That might be fun. Go get a trench coat." I said.

"There will be _no_ smuggling," said my mother.

"Aw mommy pweeeeeeeeeease?" I said, using my best puppy eyes.

"NO."

"Fine."

"Jamie, I have a question," said my dad. Wow. Who knew he could talk?

"Okay. Shoot." I said, looking at my dad. Haha…shoot.

"Why did you run away? We were never unfair, were we? You had us worried sick and you never called or anything. Why did you do it?"

I winced. I had always felt guilty about doing that. But the truth was, I had to. "I'm sorry for making you guys worry so much. But what I said in the note I left was true. I was going to go nuts if I didn't leave. I was so bored. School, homework, friends. That was it. The adventures in my head weren't enough. I had to _do_ something. So I did. I know more now than I would have if I'd stayed and finished high school and gone to college." There was a silence almost tangible after I stopped talking. I was pretty tired so I just went back to sleep.

Great. Now the depression was coming on. In the middle of the night, of course, with no one around to distract me. Why did I have to wake up now? I groped in the darkness for something to smack myself unconscious with, but came up with nothing. I sighed heavily and tried to focus on something other than Ranger…and whatgreat timeswe had together. DAMMIT stop thinking. All those kisses and nights together and all the merry men snickering at us when we thought no one was around. Shit, was that a tear? Thinking was bad. Count the sheep, Jamie, count the sheep. Don't think about when he took you to Miami to meet his WHOLE family…rabid badgers indeed. Don't think about the time we were stranded on a deserted island for two weeks. STOP THINKING. Fuck. This sucks. Well I couldn't be mad at Stephanie, as much as I wanted to be. She didn't even know he knew me. And come to think of it, WHY didn't she know he knew me? Why didn't he tell her about me? Dammit, there I go thinking again. Probably 'cause the when he saw her it was love at first sight. Damn damn damn damn. I felt sick.I hate being depressed. I was almost never depressed. But when I was, it was pretty bad.I just better not cry or I was really gonna open a can of whoopass on myself. Go to sleep, Jamie. NOW. Stupid pain killers wearing off in the middle of the night. I groaned. Christ I hurt.

"You awake, Jamie?"

I opened one eye and looked at Ranger. He stood at the foot of my bed, holding a Tasty Pastry bag.

"Now I am. Bring on the donuts." Crap I really didn't want to see him right now. But what could I do? He had donuts.

"This stuff will kill you, Kiddo."

"Better to die by donuts than by Jack, right?"

He shook his head in disbelief handed me a donut, and took one for himself.

"The temple thing off shift tonight?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It's been a while since I've had a donut."

"No shit. The last time I remember you eating a donut is when your kid _forced_ you to."

He grinned at me and put his feet up on the bed, crossing his ankles.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Where were you earlier, you pansy? Leaving me all alone to face my family. You have no conscience."

"Personally, I'd rather face an army of rabid badgers than your family."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh that was original of you."

He grinned at me again and took another donut. That grin still made me melt. God he had no idea how much this hurt. My heart was already shattered, must he make it worse? I swear, once I was released from this stupid hospital I was hopping on a plane to parts unknown. I couldn't stand being here anymore. I needed to get out of here.

Rangerstared at me for a beat, eyes hard.He stood up, leaned over me, and kissed me. Dammit why did he have to do that? It just made it hurt worse.

"I know what you're thinking," he said softly, "and you better not, because I'll find you."

I stuck my tongue out at him. "What's your point?"

"I've seen you face dangers that even _I_ try to avoid. I never thought you'd run away from something like this." With that, he left.

Stupid bastard.

I now shall go anddo the stupid shredding...and wrack my brains for more ideas. Stupid brains.


	16. Half of Chapter Sixteen

**Halfof chapter 16---------------------------------------------------------****------------**

I was sitting next to Tank, watching the monitors, bored out of my mind, when my cell phone chirped.

"Yo," I answered.

"The nurse just called and told me that Jamie left," Stephanie said.

I sighed. That kid drove me crazy. "When?"

"Apparently sometime last night. Is she with you?"

"No. I know where she is. I'll go get her." I stood up and took the stairs to the parking garage. I knew Jamie would be at the airport, probably with a one way ticket to some third world country. I slid into my Mercedes and cranked the engine over. She wasn't getting away this easy.

Jamie's POV

I sighed and slouched lower in the seat. The hospital would have called Steph by now, meaning she would have called Ranger. I looked at my watch. My plane was arriving in half an hour. I took a deep breath and cracked my knuckles. I _really_ didn't want him catching me. I just wanted to get out of here. Why couldn't he just let me go? I looked up and idly watched people walking by. That's when I saw him. Dammit. Why did he have to show up now?

"Going somewhere?" he asked.

I glared at him. "Yeah. And I'd appreciate it if you'd let me go."

He shook his head.

I didn't move, so he grabbed me by my upper arms and hauled me off the chair. I winced and hissed in pain when he grabbed my right arm but he didn't seem to notice. He guided me out of the airport and to his car. I was wondering how he got through security.

"You're an ass," I said after he shoved me into his Mercedes.

"You're probably right. Where were you going?"

"Switzerland."

He smiled. "Nice place."

The drive was silent. I was silently glaring out the window and Ranger was silently thinking his mysterious thoughts. I was relieved when he pulled up tothe curb of Morelli's house. I opened the door and stepped out into the cold morning air before the car even stopped moving. Before I could escape Ranger grabbed me by the back of my jacket.

"You're going to stay," he said.

"Sure." Yeah right.

"Don't make me chain you to my toilet again." I grimaced. The last time he did that was because I wanted to come with him on some secret mission and he had to stop me from following him.

"Fuck you," I said, jerking out of his grip. I walked up the front steps without looking back. When I heard the Mercedes drive off I started pounding on Morelli's door. He would probably be at work by now but Steph would still be asleep.

STEPH'S POV

I pressed my head into my pillow, trying to block out the incessant pounding on the front door.

"STEPH open UP!" I heard a muffled yell. It sounded like Jamie. I stood up and shuffled down the stairs

"Do you have any beer?" she asked, sliding past me into the kitchen.

"Uh…yeah there's some in the 'fridge. Why'd you leave the hospital? Where did you go?"

Jamie grabbed a beer and chugged it. "I left 'cause I needed to get out of there. And I went to the airport."

"Did Ranger find you?"

She scowled. "Yes."

Hmm…that was some scowl. "Why were you going to leave?"

She shrugged. "Just for giggles. Can I use your shower?"

"Yeah…what are you going to do today?"

"Drive until I hit the Pacific. Just don't tell Ranger." She grinned and winked and disappeared up the stairs. I padded back into the bedroom and pulled on some jeans. It was seven o' clock but I didn't want to go back to sleep. Pulled on my Doc Martens, dropped a grape into Rex's cage, and left the house.

----------------------------------------------------------

Sorry about the short chapter...I've had writers block and I don't have any ideas...so I squeezed my brain as hard as I could and this is what dripped out. Hopefully I'll have a brainstorm soon and I promise the next chapter will be ALOT longer.

Bowlingforshrimp


	17. Second Half of 16 and sorta end

Second half of Sixteen...well more like 3/4 of sixteen.

Stephanie's POV, Thursday morning.

I stopped at the Tasty Pastry before going to the office. Ranger's Mercedes was there when I arrived but Ranger wasn't in sight so he was probably talking to Vinnie.

"Donuts!" yelled Lula when I swung through the door. She took the box from my hand and dug in.

"Wow, what are you doing here so early?" Usually Lula was late on a Thursday…and Friday, and Saturday, and Sunday, and Monday, and Tuesday, and Wednesday.

"I was having intestinal problems this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. So I just decided to come here and get some filing done." I glanced over at the filing cabinet. Nothing had been done.

"Ranger in there?" I asked Connie, nodding towards Vinnie's sanctuary.

"Yep," said Connie, blowing on her still wet nails.

Ranger came out of Vinnie's office and raised an eyebrow at me. "Did you talk to Jamie?"

I nodded. "Yeah and I'm not suppose to tell you but she said she was going to drive until she hit the Pacific." I know that's breaking every rule of the Code of Sisterhood, but something told me it was important for Ranger to know.

Ranger half smiled. "Babe," he said and then he left.

"That man is so hot," said Lula.

My cell phone chirped. It was Jamie. "I never said I was leaving today," she said.

"What?"

"Well you probably already told Ranger about the Pacific thing, right? But I never told you I was leaving today. Jeez, what kind of sister do you think I am? I would say goodbye before I left." So Ranger isn't the only one with ESP.

"So what _are_ you doing today?"

"Ehn. Working. I missed three control room shifts and Tank is making me make up for it. He's overworking me though. I mean, I put itching powder in the guy's underwear once and he never lets go. Pathetic."

I winced. "Itching powder?" She better leave soon.

"_Totally_ Lester's idea." I heard a NO WAY in the background. "Sorry sis, in the words of Jimmy Neutron, gotta blast." Disconnect.

"Any new files?" I asked Connie.

"Nope."

"Well damn. Now what?"

"You could help me file," said Lula.

"We could go to the mall."

"Filing can wait."

Jamie's POV

I was hiding from Tank. Again. I was on the sixth floor, crouched behind a desk, water gun at the ready. I had found the water gun in a broom closet, filled it up, and let loose on all the Merry Men who were in the gym. And now Tank, Hal, Cal, Junior, and Woody were all after my ass.

"You go that way, I'll go the other way," I heard Woody say. I snickered. This was going to be fun. They would have been using the cameras to catch me but I covered every one I came upon. I'd been in Ranger's building in Miami, so I pretty much knew where to look for cameras—hidden or not. I moved across the floor, staying low to the ground. I came up behind an unsuspecting Woody.

"Howdy," I said and when he whirled around I got him in the face with a blast of water. "Be thankful that wasn't ink!" I yelled as I flew towards the elevators. I caught a glimpse of Cal running towards me and quickened my pace. I reached the elevators but decided against using the elevator, instead blasting through the stairwell door. I jumped down the stairs and was almost to the second floor when I crashed into a wall and sent us both flying.

"Cripes, Jazz, I know we haven't seen each other in a while but don't you think this is going a little far?" said Ranger. I was lying on top of him and rather enjoying it.

I rolled off of him and winced at the pain in my shoulder. Probably I shouldn't be running around, pissing off ex-army guys with a gunshot wound.

"You're going to reopen that gunshot wound," said Ranger, hauling me up off the floor. My water gun was in ruins, cracked and leaking.

"Thanks," I said sarcastically, sticking out my tongue, "Now you've basically condemned me to death."

He did the almost smile. "Kid, you've been condemned to death so many times I'm surprised you still walk the streets."

He was right. There are a few people who'd like to see me disappear.

"Yeah well now you've lengthened the list. Tank is going to hurt me. And so is Cal and Junior and Woody and Hal. Can I take your Porsche?"

He handed me the keys. "Just wait a while before you head off to the Pacific."

Like that was going to happen. I was probably going to leave either tonight or tomorrow.

I pulled into the mall parking lot. I really needed to do some quality shopping. I was just paying for some polka-dot lacy boy-shorts when I heard my name being called.

"Hey Jamie I thought you were on control duty," said Stephanie. I grabbed my Victoria's Secret bag and followed Stephanie out of the store. "Yeah well I was a bit side-tracked." I told her about the water-gun incident. Lula was waiting in the food court for us. We ate and then did some serious shopping, ate dinner, and saw a movie. Definitely one of my better days.

But now the day was over. I was lying on the couch in my Rangeman apartment, thinking about everything. I sighed. I was going to do it, whether anyone liked it or not. I had to leave. I needed to be on the move. I needed to get Jack away from Trenton, and I needed to get away from Ranger. I stood up, gathered all my random crap into my messenger bag, shrugged into my jacket, laced up my boots, checked that all weapons were in place, and left.

Steph's POV, Thursday night

I sighed and clomped up the stairs to the bedroom. Morelli was relieving someone on a stakeout tonight so it was just me. Jamie had gone back to Rangeman, and Lula had gone home. It was nine o'clock and I was beat from all that shopping, so I took a shower and flopped into bed.

Ranger's POV, Friday morning, Five AM.

I shook my head and sighed. I was sighing a lot lately. It probably had to do with a certain twenty-one-year old. This morning I had woken up and found a note attached to my front door.

_Ric_

_Yeah so I'm leaving and you better not come after me. Truth is, I'm getting pretty old and creaky so I thought it might be a good idea to see to see the rest of the world while I was still alive. So….say hi to Tank for me…except call him Patricia, okay? That'll piss him off. Oh and tell him sorry about the laxatives. Did you know you snore? Like, I thought there was rhinoceros in the room or something. I saw a show once that said snoring causes cancer…but then again, what doesn't? Yes, well, I probably should be going. I'm surprised ninjas haven't dropped from the ceiling and trussed me up like a Christmas turkey. I mean jeez, here I am, right outside of your apartment, sitting on the floor, and no one has showed up to impale me or anything. You need to tighten your security, my friend, or you're gonna end up being raped by a bunch of sex-crazed women Aaahaha….right. so. Um…..I guess that's all I have to say. OH right…sorry about being a bitch you know, the whole 'fuck you' thing…but hey I'm a woman and I deserve to be a bitch once in a while, right? And besides, you made me waste three hundred bucks which I expect you to pay me back…Good luck with steph. One more thing….I love you. _

_xoxoxox Jamie Rose _

She was trying to be funny even though clearly this was a serious note. First of all, she had written my real name. Second, she had signed it with _her_ real name. Thirdly, she had written _I love you_. Sure she had written me lots of gushy love letters but those were mostly her being funny and stoned or high on Red Bull…never really being serious. It had mostly stuff like _omigod I'm pining for you like a pine forest. God I crack myself up_. The simple _I love you_ said more than anything she had ever said or written before. I noticed there was writing on the back. I flipped over the paper.

_Ps, Forever_

Wow. I sat down on a chair and remembered the first time I spoke to her. After I watched her drive out of the lot in _my_ Porsche, Tank and I followed in his SUV. I called the Porsche's phone from my cell.

"Yello?" she answered.

"How old are you?" I asked. She had looked pretty young.

"Sixteen. How old are you?" Sixteen?

We were on the highway by now, cutting in and out of cars, staying close on her tail. Stupid kid.

"This is what you're going to do," I said, keeping my voice low and dangerous, "There is a rest stop coming up in a mile. You are going to stop there and return the car and if you're cooperative I might not arrest you." I really didn't have any authority to arrest, seeing as she wasn't FTA, but I might as well bluff.

She sighed. "Fine."

We came up to the exit and Tank changed lanes in back of the Porsche. Just as she was changing lanes she swerved to the side, not giving Tank enough time to follow. Tank pressed the pedal to the floor, blasting through the rest stop, and we came out a few cars behind the Porsche. My cell phone rang.

"Sorry," she said, "I thought you meant the next one. Can't I just keep the car? I promise I won't dent it or anything."

Jesus. Did this kid have a death wish? "Pull over." I said dangerously.

"Sorry. No can do. Maybe some other time." With that she hung up on me.

I smiled at the memory. That was one of the things I like the best about her. She wasn't scared of me, even from the beginning. Hell I don't think she was scared of anything.

Stephanie's POV, Friday, TWO AM

"Steph, wake up. Come on, wake up."

I rolled over and looked at the clock. Two in the morning. "Jamie wadayawant?"

"I'm leaving," she said softly. I sat up fast. She was standing next to my bed, her messenger bag slung over her shoulder, jacket zipped up, car keys in hand.

"Why? Where? How long?"

She laughed softly at my questions. "Because I want to, I already told you to the Pacific, and I don't know."

"Why?" I asked again.

"I dunno. I just need to. I can't stay in one place for too long."

"Shouldn't you wait for your gun shots to heal?"

She shrugged with her left shoulder. "I've had worse."

"Jamie…"

"See ya, sis, I already said goodbye to Ranger and mom." She said. And then she was gone.

To be continued...but not for a while

YEah so thats the end. Well not really 'cuz I'm probably gonna write a sequel but it's the end for now.I didn't really like the end of this story, I thought it was too abrupt,but again, it probably isn't the end.

thanks for all the reviews, Bowlingforshrimp

ps, my middle name is Rose and I thought it should be part ofJamie's name...what with her being my alter-ego and all


End file.
